Today was different, good different

Well hello again. Today I woke up with a positive attitude: I wanna prove to myself that my mind is a very positive mechanism, and that I can mold my reality by creating it inside my head.

I went to my “partner that i’m not so fond of’s” house. She called us both (my best friend, who is also a partner, and me) saying that we needed to work and catch up. Well, i agreed to meet them in order to work on everything we have unresolved, work wise. We ended up doing nothing but eating, talking and drinking tea and wine. I enjoyed the day, it was a good one, but every day that passes by, I get more convinced that I should not work there anymore. The thing is, I don’t know what I wanna do next. I love having control of my time, but I don’t think I am very productive on my own… I need someone to tell me what to do, and order me around. I’m reading that last sentence, and I realize that is a very negative statement, but it is on my mind constantly.

Food wise, my day was good. I binged a little on some chocolate covered berries: I ate more than a few and had barfing thoughts. I even wanted to buy some more dessert and other fattening foods to make my barf worthy, or necessary. But suddenly, I remembered what Shaye said (the bulimic girl who has a bulimia recovery website). She said that we should treat ourselves kindly and understandingly, and when I realized I was stressing over a few extra chocolate covered berries enough to make myself barge, I calmed down, and decided to talk to myself lovingly. This moment was very powerful to me, since I hadn’t had one in years.

Exercise wise, I didn’t hop in the treadmill, but walked for a long while with my friends.

My beautiful phrase today is: “Make it happen. Shock every single one of them.”

PS: Today, I visualized myself having an amazing body, very fit, very J.Lo-esque and having a good, healthy relationship with food. I also envisioned myself having a lovingly, kind-hearted, cute boyfriend madly in love with me.

Love, E.

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