Sunny Wedding-Vacation Saturday

Woke up “early” (for a saturday, that is) -10am- to go to my friend’s wedding dress fitting at 11am. As always, I got there late. We picked a dress for her, and talked about her bachelorette party and the bridesmaids dresses. I’ve realized which nasty habits control me, and I wanna leave them behind. It is gonna take a lot of effort and work, but I think I’m ready and up for it. Some of the things I wanna change about me, or get better at include:

  • Arriving on time to meetings or reunions
  • Being organized
  • Read a book a month
  • Efficiently spend my time
  • Become more disciplined
  • Exercise on a daily basis
  • Love myself more each day
  • Treat myself kindly
  • Set boundaries with people
  • Start pleasing myself, not everybody else
  • Be independent of other people’s opinion
  • Stop being afraid

Many of those things have been in my “to do list” for years now, but now I’m very aware of what I don’t want in my life, and I need to make radical changes.

I ate pretty good today, and I didn’t binge, nor barf. I went to a friend’s house and ate more popcorn than needed, but I the barf thoughts didn’t cross my mind. I ate one and a half piece of pizza and didn’t feel guilty (yuppie!) The being kind to myself thing is really working, it is just what I needed to make my recovery possible.

I took pictures of myself to see the progress I’ve had since February (when I decided i was gonna exercise daily) in my body. I’ve definitely gained weight, and I didn’t keep my word on the exercising part. My pants don’t fit, and I feel a little heavier but, even though my pants fit tighter and my muffin top is slightly bigger, I feel prettier than ever. I’m not saying I wanna stay like this, because I don’t! But I have been this heavy before, and I have been lighter and in my mind I have always felt “fat”, hence I had been stuck  on a vicious circle.  So, right now I am walking, thinking and feeling like the skinny woman I know I am. I have to exercise and eat like that, too.

“Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled “.-Neville Goddard

Love, E.

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