OMG, I have to meet Shaye from New Zealand to thank her in person for the site she has created to help other bulimics looking for recovery! I had been feeling really badly this couple of days, but today I decided to go into the site and start reading stories from other girls who go through the same feelings, fears and thoughts during recovery, and it definitely made me feel so much better! Realizing that I’m not the only one who sometimes feels like crap, is a very powerful thing for me.
I’ve been feeling down, really down because I’ve had binges that make me feel guilty, fat and worthless. The weight gain thing has contributed to my depression because, as a bulimic who started to barf in order to “lose” weight, my body and how I look have become very important matters. But, I am learning that part of the recovery involves weight gaining (which is completely normal) and that I have to give my body some time to recover and morph into the self-love temple it was born to be.
I was very optimistic and even naive on thinking that the recovery process was easy, and thought that with the right mindset and attitude, I could no longer have binges or barfing wishes. Little did I know that a process has its ups and downs and I’m gonna trip several times, but the important thing is to pick myself up stronger every time. Man, am I inspired today!
I have done greatly this past couple of weeks, and I have to acknowledge my small, but numerous achievements. The main one would be not barfing but, I also forced myself yesterday to work on the client’s website instead of going to the kitchen to eat, I exercised out of my comfort zone 3 days this week and have tried to outnumber my self-critiques with self-compliments.
Self love definitely requires practice, conscious practice.
I have always trusted my intuition, and it is now telling me that this path I have taken, is definitely going to lead me to recovery. I am very happy with what I’ve been discovering.
I bumped into this lovely quote in Pinterest, and I think it’s the perfect way to end this post:
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself, and see what happens.”
Thanks for reading!!