The “what others think” factor

I’m on a guilt trip right now: I just shared a pizza (a very delicious, greasy one) with 2 friends and even though I ate 2 pieces, I feel badly about it, there’s something about fatty foods that makes me feel guilty. The positive thing about it, is that I enjoyed it, ate it slowly and took the time to eat it.

I haven’t posted on the last days because I am finding it hard to set myself a blogger identity, I follow other blogs and find out that they’re so interesting, different, attractive, inspiring and followed by a lot of people (unlike mine, says my head). The same happens to me, Erika as a person, I keep comparing myself to others and end up feeling inferior. But you know what? I’m done with this self pity, negative posts, and thoughts for that matter. Yes, I’m becoming aware of them by writing about them but enough is enough!! I haven’t barfed since April and don’t plan on doing it anymore, no more hurting my beautiful body and mind.

On Friday I did something I’m proud of: I rejected going to a party with a very pushy and controlling friend who hadn’t told me the host of such party was a dude I hate, not dislike, but hate. I did what I wanted to do and didn’t put my friend’s opinion before mine, so I am really happy for me :).

Saturday was an extremely awesome day: I proved myself how powerful my mind is and how a positive attitude can affect the outcome of a day. I had a friend’s birthday party which didn’t thrill me at first but I chose to think differently and ended up having the best time! At night, I had been invited to celebrate another birthday in a fancy night club and really felt like going but by 12am, I started thinking of bailing: I have an aversion to those places because I tend to become intimidated by the looks of other chicks BUT, I chose to look my best and feel my best. Well, my friends, let me assure you that our minds are impressively positive and powerful devices when programmed accordingly. Not only did I have a blast that night, but I got hit on by (both unattractive and attractive) men (and boys), and managed to get me and my friend free drinks (without doing anything unwanted, don’t worry). I kissed a very nice, good looking Brazilian boy (he was 21, I’m officially a cougar) and danced with a bunch of other guys. I don’t usually kiss boys at night clubs, but this one was extremely cute and did I mention that he surfed and had an awesome body? So if I hadn’t kissed him, it would have been a shame. The rest of the night I danced with my friend (who is very skinny, flirty, young, attractive, hence successful with guys) and didn’t once feel unattractive or insecure next to her, I chose to enjoy myself and acknowledge what I bring to the table.

I also found a fashion blog  of a curvy girl who preaches self love, self confidence and looks damn good while doing it! She adds inspiring quotes on every post and her attitude in every picture is fierce. It’s really refreshing to find a fashion blog in which the protagonist isn’t slim, extremely skinny, or anorexic… instead she flaunts a full figure wearing bold outfits and an “I don’t care what you think” attitude. I have already become a fan of her blog and hope to develop her self-confidence and self-love.

What I struggle with constantly is the opinion of others: I live in a society where skinny people are worshipped and overweight people are frowned upon. I am totally into exercising and eating healthily but I am discovering that accepting my body and loving it the way it is, flaws and all, is an essential element to reach a weight goal.

I’m enjoying this positivism going on in my life, and I have only tasted a small bite of how great it can be so I am sticking to it until I have mastered it in every area of my existence.

I have to go now to exercise my ass off at the gym.

Thanks for reading, lovelies!

Kisses, Erika

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