I love this quote, I admire impeccable style, I wish I were a remarkable designer, I aspire to look amazing in a black bikini, I hope I could love myself every day in the process of becoming what I know I can be.
Today was not a good day, sometimes I don’t understand why I immerse into negative habits and thoughts. My predominant thoughts today were those of a person who does not want to look in the mirror, go out or do anything whatsoever… I hate feeling that way and get scared of those thoughts that take over my mind. They paralyze me, they tell me to lay in bed and hide, to eat that apple pie, chocolate bar, deep fried chicken, to ignore the alarm clock and sleep, that as long as I’m not obese I can give into my cravings, that I don’t need to exercise. Reading this makes me realize how irresponsible and immature it sounds to blame my behavior on “a voice”, but when I let myself listen to it, I struggle to silence it. The only way to make that voice talk nicely to me is by doing what has to be done without thinking too much about it. Today I stopped myself from having TWO binges, TWO! What I’m doing to avoid them is staying out of the kitchen and entertaining in something other than food.
We celebrated our 1 year anniversary in our Design Firm and I’m proud of it but this little company we created a year ago has got me wondering still… I have many things to figure out yet job wise. We went to eat to a fancy restaurant, got a little drunk and ate deliciously, but there is a little voice that tells me I won’t last long doing this… I haven’t figured out if it’s the positive or negative one that’s been talking to me.
It’s 3am and I’m still awake, so I have to wrap this post up. I am finding writing to be extremely therapeutic and empowering at the same time. Thanks a lot for tuning in, dear reader, you contribute enormously to the empowering part. I hope I inspire as much as you inspire me.
Lots of love from: Erika.