Today was definitely not a good one.
Food wise, it actually was: I consciously stopped myself from having a binge, and that’s all I accomplished today. For starters, today my hair decided to look terrible, then Sandy (a friend of mine) asked me to bring along another girlfriend to her birthday dinner party on Saturday because a (male) friend asked her to “introduce him to hot single friends”; she said that she didn’t think of me because he’s probably not my type. If my self esteem wasn’t low enough today, this “requirement” from Sandy managed to sink it lower.
Work wise, I’ve been working on a very uninspiring project that makes me wanna quit work and marry a billionaire. You see, I have a special commitment to this client, he’s my best friend’s dad and trusts 100% in our work… I care more for him than I do any of my uncles. He owns a welding products supplier company, so you can only imagine how inspiring that is for a graphic designer to work on. The idea of opening my own design firm, was to do what I love the most: designing and creating but right now I’m not doing any of those and I haven’t received any money from this client because the website was due April.
So, I’m basically broke and unhappy. Ideally, I should be doing what I love, loving what I do and the money flow should be abundant, right? Well, it isn’t and even though I’ve tried to change my attitude, I grow more desperate every single day, week, month that passes by. I feel like I’m wasting my best years in feeling miserable and unfulfilled, and the inexistent professional achievements do my self esteem no good at all.
Focusing on my weight and body image is easier than focusing on what I want for my future or even right now! On days like these I wished I could vanish into thin air and not have to worry about anything.
My gut tells me to not continue on this company I created along with my friends but I don’t know if I can trust my instincts so blindly. If I do become independent again I wold have no idea what to do next. But, until I finish this project, I can’t do anything, so I feel stuck and powerless over my situation.
I’m gonna go work out now to see if it helps to clear my head.
Thanks for reading 🙂