Vanish into thin air

Today was definitely not a good one.

Food wise, it actually was: I consciously stopped myself from having a binge, and that’s all I accomplished today. For starters, today my hair decided to look terrible, then Sandy (a friend of mine) asked me to bring along another girlfriend to her birthday dinner party on Saturday because a (male) friend asked her to “introduce him to hot single friends”; she said that she didn’t think of me because he’s probably not my type. If my self esteem wasn’t low enough today, this “requirement” from Sandy managed to sink it lower.

Work wise, I’ve been working on a very uninspiring project that makes me wanna quit work and marry a billionaire. You see, I have a special commitment to this client, he’s my best friend’s dad and trusts 100% in our work… I care more for him than I do any of my uncles. He owns a welding products supplier company, so you can only imagine how inspiring that is for a graphic designer to work on. The idea of opening my own design firm, was to do what I love the most: designing and creating but right now I’m not doing any of those and I haven’t received any money from this client because the website was due April.

So, I’m basically broke and unhappy. Ideally, I should be doing what I love, loving what I do and the money flow should be abundant, right? Well, it isn’t and even though I’ve tried to change my attitude, I grow more desperate every single day, week, month that passes by. I feel like I’m wasting my best years in feeling miserable and unfulfilled, and the inexistent professional achievements do my self esteem no good at all.

Focusing on my weight and body image is easier than focusing on what I want for my future or even right now! On days like these I wished I could vanish into thin air and not have to worry about anything.

My gut tells me to not continue on this company I created along with my friends but I don’t know if I can trust my instincts so blindly. If I do become independent again I wold have no idea what to do next. But, until I finish this project, I can’t do anything, so I feel stuck and powerless over my situation.

I’m gonna go work out now to see if it helps to clear my head.

Thanks for reading 🙂

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7 thoughts on “Vanish into thin air

  1. I hope your workout helps you clear you head. Aand well done for not bingeing!
    Your friend didn’t explain things right, but I’m sure once you’ll meet the guy you’ll realise he is not for you. I think you look great in the couple of picute I’ve seen. Come here and I’ll introduce you to some hot guys haha
    As for you carreer, it’s hard to give advice without knowing hte whole situation.
    I am like you though, when other things are difficult, I put more pressure on myself to look good / be thin because I feel it is somthing I should be able to control. Sadly I cannot and it ends badly 😦

    • You are the sweetest! Your comment about me realizing the guy is not fit for me, really made my day :D. My career issue is complicated, as I said, I feel stuck!! I’ll inform you more on my blog about it later on. Meanwhile, I’ll try to make the most out of it. I must focus on the important issues in order for it not to end badly 🙂 Thanks for your words!!! Have a lovely day 😀

    • Wow, this link is AMAZING! Powerful stuff!!!! Thank you so much for reading and contributing to my recovery :). I have to print the whole article and apply it to my everyday life. The part where it says that having a positive attitude is a habit we have to breed is very true and amazing for me to read about. I have been teased in the past by friends for always being positive, but some of they have realized it actually works and now they apply positivism into their lives. The power also relies on how we deal with obstacles and days like the one I describe here, right?
      Thanks a lot again 😀

  2. Hi Erika, thanks for following me. I just wanted to say I empathise with you on the job front. I’m self employed as a SEO specialist and web/graphic designer and it gets really sodding tough when things don’t go to plan and you’re strapped for cash! Keep doing what makes you happy so long as it keeps a roof over your head. Also, well done for not binging. 🙂

    • Hi! Thank you for following me, too. Wow! you’re also your own boss, so you understand my frustrations, I’m glad I found your blog, I’m loving your posts, they keep me inspired. The problem is, I haven’t figured out what it is that I want, not something in particular at least… I’m hoping this recovery helps me clear my head and stop being adrift…

      • Thanks, glad you’re enjoying my posts!

        If I’m honest, I sometimes doubt whether I’ve made the right career choice. Just because I’m good at something doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the right path and I go through periods of loving my job and periods of hating it, like everyone else.

        I’m sure you’ll find your way and your recovery will be a great help in regards to clarity. Good luck, I’m looking forward to reading your future posts.

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