How pleasing everybody but myself gets on my way.

Today, my soon-to-be-bride-girlfriend asked us to go along with her and choose a fabric for the bridesmaids’ dresses. I went with one of my closest friends whose personality is extremely… strong I would say. I get along with her perfectly, we laugh a lot and always have a great time while being together. The thing is, she is very opinionated, loud and extremely critical of other people. Whenever I’m with her, I criticize as much as she does, make fun of others and desperately try to make her laugh at other people’s expense. I can be really mean and critical if I want to, but I try not to because I don’t feel really comfortable being like that, I prefer spreading love. She is so opinionated, I avoid telling many things about myself to her. I truly believe that the way someone talks about other people with you is the same way  that person talks about you with other people. So, probably my friend talks badly about me with other people, too. That leads me to the next scene. We both then went to grab a bite to a coffee shop where she wanted to eat some breakfast and I was originally going to drink a big pot of tea. But, I got hungry and was going to order something healthy from the menu. I was ready to order a plate of fruit until my friend ruthlessly criticized some skinny girl sitting next to us who had ordered just that. So I ended up ordering a biscuit with strawberry marmalade. I did it in order for her not to criticize ME. This has happened to me many many times before. I must stop caring about what others think and concentrate on what’s best for me without doubt or hesitation. Pleasing others activity no. 1: Ordering a biscuit in order not to be criticized, talking badly about other people. 

At the same coffeeshop I tried to ignore my desire to go to the loo because it involved walking amongst people who would judge me or, even worst, ignore the sight of me. To me, there is nothing worse than walking by and going unnoticed. I wish I were one of those girls who stand up off their seats and make heads turn. I definitely reflect insecurity when I walk, so I must keep working hard on my self-confidence. Pleasing others activity no. 2: Avoiding, for a long while, walking to the bathroom. 

My parents had some friends coming over to eat and I decided to eat on my own later because I feel ashamed to show myself off in the curent weight I am in. So, I went to my room, slept for 2 hours, then woke up hungry as hell and went down to the kitchen to eat a whole lotta food. I wasn’t even successful hiding from my parents’ friends, so my plan turned out to be a big failure. Pleasing others activity no. 3: Skipping meals in order to not be seen and/or judged. 

I give way too much power to what everybody else thinks. Due to that, I don’t really know who I am or what I want. I have dedicated to please everybody but myself, so obviously now I don’t know what I want for myself.

I discovered an amazing tumblr through Pinterest that talks about binge eating and lists several ways to avoid it or stop it from happening. I found it extremely useful and powerful, you can check it out here .

Love, Erika

 

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7 thoughts on “How pleasing everybody but myself gets on my way.

  1. Oh wow, that’s a tough one… I hate to be mean… but is that friend adding anything positive in your life whatsoever? You should be around people that build you up and not cut you down. You are sharing your story here on the internet so I know you have to be a strong person to do that! =D So I know you can build yourself up outside the internet as well… do things that make you feel good! And normally when people cut other people down, it is because they are insecure… so I am pretty sure your friend is just as insecure as you are.

    • Yes, I’m sure she is extremely insecure, and uses criticism as a weapon haha, or as a defense mechanism! I love this friend a lot, though, and am extremely close to her and her family. I don’t see her that much often, and when I do i enjoy myself a lot but I also feel… insecure and scared! I don’t know what I have to learn from her, but maybe I am now in the process. I have to stand up for myself more, that is definitely something I must practice. Thanks for your advice, Cassy!

      • Yeah maybe this is just a test for you to learn to stand up for yourself… I have a friend who is similar, and I have realized she actually takes a lot of cues from me when we hang out… because she is so insecure… so when I make the effort to change, she is actually pretty quick to follow. Like your friend may have made that comment about the skinny girl with the fruit cup, because she wishes she was that skinny girl… and you may be surprised, if you ordered the fruit cup… she probably would have too!

  2. Awww I can totally relate to how you feel bcse I used to be the same… You are a wonderful person the way you are now and should not need to hide it. I am sure that your confidence is bulding now, and you have to keep going. Believe in yourself and love yourself and others will see you in the same light. As for your friend, her insecurities are probably what is driving her to be so critical. She is trying to hide her own issues but pointing the finger at others.

    • Hélène! Your words are always always spot on!!!!! I’m sure I’m building up self-confidence, the important thing is that I’m being aware of all of this and I am decided to change. I’m so thankful we are blog buddies and that we found each other, everything happens for a reason! What you say about my friend is entirely true! And it is sometimes hard for me to realize that because she appears to be so self-confident by speaking loudly and putting people down. Since I am not able to be as loud and appear as confident, I think she wows me and feel like she’s the most confident person ever. When in reality she must be just the opposite.
      Thanks a lot, Hélène 🙂 !!!

      • It’s funny, every time you post something about how you feel I recognize myself, or how I used to be before I got better 🙂
        I am so happy we found each other’s blog too 🙂
        And about your friend, I find that people who are really loud about putting others down really are insecure.
        Appearances can be deceptive..
        And there is no shame about being on the quieter side. Some people are more extrovert than others.
        Keep focusing on being yourself and being kind to yourself and others and you will continue growing

      • I will continue being kind to myself, it is definitely something that’s coming easier by the minute, and I’m enjoying it. Thanks a lot for your kind kind words! And by knowing that you came through the same problem, gives me hope to being better!!! 😀 !!! Lots of love, Hélène !!

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