Coming clean

Today I came clean to my mom about it all. She had lived with the idea that I stopped binging and barfing 6 years ago, that the problem only lasted a few months and that it all had stopped there. Well, I told her the truth today and she cried, but my reaction to her tears wasn’t the same one I had 7 years ago when I first told her I had bulimia.

Back then, I thought Bulimia was an ugly disease that I could manage to overcome with the help of therapy and will power in a matter of months. Little did I know that it would become my shelter for 7 years and that the only one who could help me overcome it was myself.

I decided to tell her not to obtain compassion or to blame her for my problems, but to let her know that I am ready to leave the disease (and everything that comes along with it) behind. I am stronger now than I was 7 years ago, I am kinder to myself and I am breeding self love day by day. But I still have days where I feel down and unwilling to do anything that nurtures me, like today. That is why this silence about my 7-year old disease was feeling like a heavier burden each passing hour, day, week, month…

By telling my mom about it, I feel like a weight fell off my shoulders. She is the most important person in the world to me, and knows me better than myself, and I can tell that she suffers by seeing me suffering and depressed. Whatever she does and has done is only for us, her love is the most unconditional one I have received. I came clean because I felt like it was an important step of recovery. Maybe  I wasn’t sure before doing it, but right after I told her we had a long talk and now I feel really really good.

Love, Erika

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7 thoughts on “Coming clean

  1. This post brought tears to my eyes. It is so important to share with the ones you love and that love you. I am sure your mum will be able to help you, she sounds like a wonderful person. Congratulations, you are on the right path.

    • Oh Hélène! What would I do without your awesome, cheering comments! Thanks a lot for your words and connecting to this entry to the point of tears! I’m flattered. My mom is indeed a wonderful human being, I like to think she is my little angel on earth! Coming clean is certainly not easy, but once it’s done, it feels incredible!! Thanks for cheering me on each day, it means the freaking world to me!!!!. Lots of love for you, Hélène :).

      • Awww I’ve said it before I”ve been where you are right now and it is not an easy place…. I like to see you grow in confidence and get better with each post. I know recovery isn’t easy and setbacks are inevitable. But knowing that you are in charge and that you can do it is the key..
        Lots of love your way from me and Freddie 😉

  2. It’s great that you opened up to your mom. Sometimes in our diverse steps towards recovery opening up might just be what we need. What better person to open up to that one’s mom. Good for you Erika, you continue to inspire many including me daily. Well done!!!

    • Oh boomie!! I love to know that I’m inspiring people! Opening up feels incredibly good, especially to my mom! We talked for hours, and now has seen the blog: she congratulated me, hugged me and told me that she’s proud of me… it turned out to be better than what I expected 😀 !!! Thanks a lot for following and cheering me! Lots of love and light your way, boomie 😉

  3. Pingback: One Lovely blog award | healthyfrenchie

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