I read on a post written by Mastin Kipp that anger is accumulated sadness.
Yesterday I fought really badly with my little sister. I snapped and screamed my lungs out to her. She made a comment about how she doesn’t like when I wear her clothes. Reason enough for me to flip out. I think this has to do with the fact that she once told me I make her clothes bigger when I wear them. She’s a lot smaller than me and those comments really get to me. Weight is still a sore issue to me.
I’ve been trying to do the love rituals and I know I have been working on self-love a lot more, but I can’t seem to accept my body the way it is. I wanna be skinny, I want it so badly it hurts. I also hate loving food so much, I am sick of that fact defining me and I’ve become more aware of it recently. I can’t seem to leave a single leftover on my plate, I must eat the whole dish and, if possible, eat more afterwards. I don’t think my satiety levels are normal because no matter how much I eat, I never seem to get full. I really wanna stop loving food as much as I do, I wanna be proud of my body and stop being afraid of wearing a bikini, a skirt, leggings or any revealing piece of clothes. I want to be able to choose clothes because I like them, not because they flatter my body. I am sick of not loving my body, and it frustrates me to have days like these, where I wish I were someone else, someone who has no muffin-top or cellulite. I wish I were less superficial to stop caring about my overweight. I wish I stopped comparing myself to others constantly.
But what I wish the most, is to love my body enough for me to stop using it as excuse of not being good enough in every area of my life.
I also wish I didn’t think about food and my weight as much as I do.