Diary of an emotional eater.

A woman who happens to be mother of one of my best friends and former high school teacher tells me how amazing my brother used to be as a student and how opposite I turned out to be. Stupid woman. Stupid me who listens to her and feels badly over it for hours. Next step: arriving home to binge.

I binge on nutella, strawberries and veggie pie. I toss into the mix 5 or 6 salty cookies.

I go to bed and dream about the box of Alfajores my sister has hidden in her drawer.

Breakfast:

1 philadelphia cheese spread bagel, 5 nutella-covered strawberries, a small piece of veggie cake.

Lunch:

I went to eat with the partners to a place where they sell Thai, Japanese and Indian food to celebrate a birthday. We shared: Crispy shrimp croquettes, shrimp noodles, vietnamese rolls, steamed rice with green curry, teriyaki chicken, teriyaki pork, steamed rice with salmon and veggies, green tea cake, banana rolls, crepes, lychee ice cream and green tea.

We ate a lot so I felt extremely guilty and obsessed over the fact that I was going to come back home to an empty kitchen and a very saddened Erika. I kept telling myself how lonely I am, how sad my life is and how much I wanted to eat everything I could find. I got home and my sister was in her room with one of her hot, blonde and skinny friends getting ready to go out. I wanted to be alone, I wasn’t counting on them being there. I always thought I would be an example to follow to my sister, that she and her friends would look up to me and aspire to be like me when they grew up. In reality, I feel like hiding when her friends are around, I feel like the overweight, single, mediocre big sister whose life isn’t half as ¬†fabulous as it should be.

After-lunch binge:

Nutella-covered strawberries, countless dark chocolate sprinkles, 3 salty cookies.

How I feel right now: Like a total and complete failure. I don’t know if I’ll ever be thin again in my life. The worst part is, I love food way too freaking much.

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5 thoughts on “Diary of an emotional eater.

  1. Aww, you are definitely not a failure! Everyone binges! You didn`t have a good day, it happens. You can not change the day, instead just cook something healthy, have a serving and in a day or two you should be feeling better again! And that woman was a total idiot. Such an unnecessary and stupid remark. Is she perfect? Probably not!
    And, even if you were not absolutely amazing as a student I`m sure that you are really great at what you do and that is important! I think you are a great writer (in a language other than your mother tongue!) and have a wonderful personality. In fact it would be so great if we got the chance to meet some day!

    • Awww Anna!!! Thanks a lot for this words, I really needed to read this. I was thinking the other day how much I would love to meet you, too! My house is open to you any time you decide visiting Mexico. Where do you live exactly? I understand you travel a LOT (jealous) but I don’t quite get where you live.
      I love your personality too! It must be because you’re a Virgo as well ;).
      Thanks for reading and writing such uplifting comments.
      PS: I’m already feeling better

  2. Hi Erika,

    I read your post last night but had to be in church and so couldn’t respond but i had time to think about you and this post.

    First off, you are not now or ever a failure…we all fall down at one point or the other in our lives…what we do about that down position is what determines if we are successful or not.

    You have to learn to see your body with love…and though it is tough considering what society throws at us daily…you have to learn to see yourself from the eyes of love…know you are a beautiful creature with worth, talent, and love…only you can do that for yourself…and especially if you want your sister and her friends to look up to you. People can sense confidence whether you are a stiny size 0 or a comfortable size 10…they will feed off that and see you as an inspiration.

    You also need to figure out why exactly you eat the way you do…is there something deeper underneath it all…(i am not a therapist) but i know i check myself when i find i am eating too much…try to see if there is anything bothering me. Nothing wrong with indulging every once in a while…no need to beat yourself over it. Remember the times you have been successful…know people like me are cheering you on…people are looking at you as an inspiration.

    Food is not the enemy..but you need to find a point where you are comfortable with your body…some of us would never be a size 0…including me and that’s ok…we will work towards maintaining a healthy body, image and lifestyle…our beauty as women is not so much in our hair, skin color, or weight…it is in the content of our hearts…i know you have heard it before but it is the truth.

    Know you are loved Erika, and you would look back on these times and smile….I am sure of it. Better, stronger, and healthier days are ahead of you. Hold your head high and be strong…this too shall pass, with you coming out victorious.

    I know there is a lot of tough love here, but please know it is coming from a sincere and genuinely kind place. If ever you need to talk or whatever…please feel free to email me and i mean that. Take care Erika!

    Hugs and love

    • Booooomieeeee!!! What would I do without your insightful comments!?

      I think my fatalistic perspective of things is a big flaw I must get rid of. Thinking that I’m a failure is something that crosses my mind constantly.

      I have tried to see my body with love but I don’t treat it very lovingly… yet. I know I’ll get there, I just need more practice. I totally agree that it is not in the looks but in the attitude and self esteem how we transmit confidence.

      These words push me and help me to keep thriving.

      I love me some tough love, that’s what I need in order to change significantly and completely.

      Thank you a LOT!

      Much love to ya

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