A woman who happens to be mother of one of my best friends and former high school teacher tells me how amazing my brother used to be as a student and how opposite I turned out to be. Stupid woman. Stupid me who listens to her and feels badly over it for hours. Next step: arriving home to binge.
I binge on nutella, strawberries and veggie pie. I toss into the mix 5 or 6 salty cookies.
I go to bed and dream about the box of Alfajores my sister has hidden in her drawer.
1 philadelphia cheese spread bagel, 5 nutella-covered strawberries, a small piece of veggie cake.
I went to eat with the partners to a place where they sell Thai, Japanese and Indian food to celebrate a birthday. We shared: Crispy shrimp croquettes, shrimp noodles, vietnamese rolls, steamed rice with green curry, teriyaki chicken, teriyaki pork, steamed rice with salmon and veggies, green tea cake, banana rolls, crepes, lychee ice cream and green tea.
We ate a lot so I felt extremely guilty and obsessed over the fact that I was going to come back home to an empty kitchen and a very saddened Erika. I kept telling myself how lonely I am, how sad my life is and how much I wanted to eat everything I could find. I got home and my sister was in her room with one of her hot, blonde and skinny friends getting ready to go out. I wanted to be alone, I wasn’t counting on them being there. I always thought I would be an example to follow to my sister, that she and her friends would look up to me and aspire to be like me when they grew up. In reality, I feel like hiding when her friends are around, I feel like the overweight, single, mediocre big sister whose life isn’t half as fabulous as it should be.
Nutella-covered strawberries, countless dark chocolate sprinkles, 3 salty cookies.
How I feel right now: Like a total and complete failure. I don’t know if I’ll ever be thin again in my life. The worst part is, I love food way too freaking much.