Blast from the past

Paul is a friend who lives in France since 2005, right after we graduated High school. We were never that close during school but one day before he left to France I ran into him in a bookstore and we chatted and laughed for hours. After that, every time I saw his green light on the Facebook chat or every time he saw mine, we talked to see how life was going. Thanks to Facebook (and my stalking skills), I got to realize how well age suited him and how much he grew into that nose and shaggy 90’s hair haha. Last week he mentioned he was coming to Mexico and wanted to see me.

Cutie Paul

Today we met at a mall and I immediately spotted his 1.83cm muscle bundled frame, his cute smile and tiny eyes. We sat down in a quiet place to talk and he told me how everyone he had met since he arrived hasn’t changed a bit physically. I asked him how he saw me and didn’t answer, he just nodded. That’s when I said : “I know I gained a lot of weight since you last saw me“. He relievingly replied : “I was not going to say anything but for your own good, yes you have! What happened? You looked just perfect the last time I saw you!“. I had received similar comments before and got extremely sad, depressed and frustrated. BUT, this time I’m deciding to take it as a wake up call to consciously use the tools I have gathered during this recovery. I tend to forget this process takes effort and work day in and day out.

It is not easy, it can’t be taken lightly and today, having met this blast from the past, reminds me I must live in the moment and act NOW, not tomorrow, not yesterday reminiscing about the past, but taking action every present moment.

I wanna end this post with a great quote from one of my favorite books: Peaceful Warrior.

” WHERE ARE YOU? Here

WHAT TIME IS IT? NOW

WHAT ARE YOU? This moment”

 

Notice my fat roll? I am deciding I don’t like it and I am getting rid of it TODAY.

This picture makes so much sense now.

 

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16 thoughts on “Blast from the past

    • Damn! I am not the best planner but I must come up with one in several areas of my life, in fact… Since yesterday I have decided to make each meal time a ritual and enjoy food as much as possible by eating it really slowly and carefully. Blessing my food is something I have to work on. Not binging is my first goal right now, since I haven’t gotten rid of that nasty little habit. Exercise wise I’ve been doing really good but I must increase my days (I’ve been doing only 4 days a week). How does that plan sound?

    • I hate seeing the ones I didn’t get along with haha. The ones I used to be friends with or get along with, I enjoy meeting them again, it’s really fun! We laugh at our dorkiness and all of the fun anecdotes.
      Awww thanks! That’s my dorky smile!

  1. Love this post too! What will you have when you are skinny that you don’t have now? You’re not going for “skinny” your going for that thing you think you will have when you get skinny. I love the surrender of this post. Beautiful in every way. I feel your strength. Now get your plan. (Anna’s comment) πŸ™‚ You’re in my thoughts, L

    • I’m glad you love this post :). I think that by being skinnier I will have more confidence, wear different clothes, attract anyone I want, go without any fear to plans I get invited to where a bikini is involved, walk with much more confidence and wear fashionable clothes as oftenly as possible. Mainly, it would make myself proud and will give me the sense of accomplishment I need. I will prove to me how it indeed is possible to achieve the goals I set for myself.

      • Want to coach via your blog on this? (or via email?) I’m game if you are. Might be insightful for your readers. Let me know. My next questions: So only skinny girls get to feel those things? Do all skinny girls feel those things? Girls that aren’t skinny are exempt from feeling fashionable, confident, accomplished, proud? Weight determines our ability to achieve goals? Is it possible you are going for something more than you wrote more than you are aware of? Maybe that is why you haven’t achieved it yet? Please don’t un-friend/un-blog/un-whatever me. If I don’t hear back from you I will understand. This all comes from a place of love. I think your blog is raw, clear, and open-hearted. You are one of my favorites.
        with love, L

    • Oh, I wouldn’t un-friend you or un- ANYTHING! I love this!!!! I’m definitely game ;).
      To my eyes, and to my experience, I think mainly girls who are skinny get to look amazing in fashionable clothes, when dancing, attracting men, anything. I have become very close to a friend who happens to be skinny and drives men to her like a magnet, while I don’t. Also, ever since I was very little I have wanted to have an amazing body and at 17 it turned into an obsession that ended in an ED. Now, even though I already went through bulimia, I keep wanting to have an amazing body, it is still a constant goal that, since I haven’t achieved, keep feeling like a failure. I think it’s the perfect excuse to feel like that.
      Thanks for listening!!!

  2. You didn’t answer the questions … but your explanation for your behavior makes perfect sense. Let’s try again. πŸ™‚ Yes or No?
    So only skinny girls get to feel those things?
    Do all skinny girls feel those things?
    Girls that aren’t skinny are exempt from feeling fashionable, confident, accomplished, proud?
    Weight determines our ability to achieve goals?
    Is it possible you are going for something more than you wrote more than you are aware of?
    I find it interesting that our minds (mine too btw) seek to justify our behavior πŸ™‚
    Anxiously awaiting your answer.
    I see a block here for you, and am hoping you can see too. Once you get your answers we will dig deeper. Remember to answer yes or no without explanation?

    • My answers:
      No but most of the women who feel those things are thin.
      No, there are many skinny girls who have self-esteem problems.
      To my eyes, yes.
      No, it doesn’t. Weight has got nothing to do with achieving goals.
      Yes, but I don’t know what it is :(.

      Are the questions explained thoroughly? Let me know, this is getting good.

  3. Excellent…in light of your answers here we go:
    1) If not only skinny people feel that way, how would a not skinny person acquire that feeling?
    2) What makes you think you won’t have self-esteem issues once you are skinny?
    3) Do you think loving yourself “heavier” means you are in acceptance of the excess weight? Do you think you need to dislike the “fat” to show you are in opposition to it?
    4) Can you love the weight and still want it to go away? Thanking “it” (the weight) for serving its purpose?
    5) What might the weight’s purpose represent for you to learn?
    6) What does the weight want to tell you? Have you ever asked or listened?
    7) Could you go out today, buy beautiful fashionable clothes that fit (your less than skinny body), walk confidently with your shoulders back and your head held high,look amazing while dancing in a club tonight because you are so in love with who you are and who you are becoming, and be a magnet for a man who loves you? YES or NO

    I am so glad you are enjoying this. (this is coaching) Please know I did not indent on intruding into your blog. Your last post just sang to my heart.

    8) What’s the one thing you want most in this world? (BTW, the answer is not to be skinny)

    with love, Lisa

    ps. i might encourage you to journal answers for depth and clarity of feeling and integrity (believability). You can send me the condensed version if you want. This is not quick stuff we are digging in. As always awaiting your reply. What time zone are you in? I am PST. California, USA Thanks for doing this, I hope it helps.

    • Lisa my dear! I am answering the questions via email, I find it easier and more practical. Excuse my ignorance, but I googled my time zone in Mexico and found out this: Standard time zone: UTC/GMT -6 hours
      Daylight saving time: +1 hour
      Current time zone offset: UTC/GMT -5 hours
      Time zone abbreviation: CDT – Central Daylight Time
      I’m no good with time zones :S. Lots of love, and thanks a million!

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