Lisa asked me, as an assignment, to make a list of my principles. When she mentioned it to me, I thought it’d be easy. How hard can it be to know what is important to me?

Well, it turns out, I don’t know.

I seriously have no clue what is important to me. Sometimes I think having money is, having a boyfriend is, being happy is, having a big wedding is, having a job where the pay is amazing is, having a baby is, living in a big house is, wearing fancy clothes is, cooking is, having lots of friends is, having a busy social life is, being skinny is, travelling is… But other times I think maybe dancing is important, living in the beach is, where people are less judgemental, less materialistic, less worried, more kind… but maybe that is just an assumption. One day I think doing what everybody else wants to do is what I want to do, but then again, other times I think I wanna live differently that the “status quo”.

This confusion is what keeps me sad, angered and mostly depressed, day in and day out. It’s like I’m floating adrift. Since I don’t know what I want, I paralyse and let the fear sink in. I let the fear and confusion get the best of me. And I just don’t know how to beat them; the scariest and saddest part, is that sometimes I think I don’t even want to beat or get rid of them…

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “

  1. Erika, I can totally relate. I have felt that way before and still do sometimes. It is hard to decide what you really want and what others (and society) think you should want. You should focus on what makes you happy! And sure, being skinny and having a ton of money is great! But I think being surrounded by people who love you and are kind, being kind yourself, living in a great environment, pursuing your passion, that’s what life is about.

  2. Erika, Beautiful post. It’s always interesting to see what you discover after a session. I think my coach feels the same way when I post after we speak.
    ps. You want to beat them or you wouldn’t write them for everyone to see. “Saying” you don’t is your way of letting yourself off the hook if you don’t accomplish “it”
    BTW — This is a coping mechanism and I am guilty of it too.
    Challenge one: Observation of self
    love you

    • Lisa, thanks, I can’t thank you enough times! Oh my, do I wanna get off the hook, tell me about it! I’ll do about anything to avoid growing up and overcoming challenges, I am a specialist for it.
      I’m trying to observe myself, I keep journaling (Oh how it has saved me) and try to keep promises to believe in my word again. I’m trying to get there but my subconscious tries to pull me back!

      • Your subconscious can only prevail if you let it. Free will we arrive if you call it forth. Do not be afraid to step into your beauty. Love cannot fail, only be postponed. I love you, Lisa

  3. Oh, I really understand you! We have a course at uni were we learn “about ourselves”. It`s fun and I learned a lot but we also had to for example name our principles and god it`s so hard! We then had to rank them and read them to a friend that we trust. I sat over that exercise for a while, it drives you crazy! But then you have to listen deep inside you… and hopefully things can clear up a little. What are the things that you would feel worst about if you lost them (material or non-material). What would you do to obtain things in life. Stuff like that. It took me quite some time to find solutions to all these questions and I am still thinking about it sometimes but.
    Definitely don`t be angry, this is not something that you think about a lot or something were you are expected to prioritise. Even if you don`t have a solution it`s absolutely fine! But I do agree with Lisa, and I think if you are honest, no need to share, but if you observe yourself you will come up with something. Don`t be scared about. What ever the result is, it will be an honest opinion and others are likely having similar priorities.

    • 🙂 I like that exercise! Practice it as much as you can! You’ll thank that assignment later. I try not being bummed about it, but sometimes it’s hard. Thank you for being so supportive, Anna! You are too kind!

  4. Touching post, yet through only reading a couple of post I can see a few things that are important to you. Courage through vulnerability, strength of faith and self belief, determined to achieve wholeness. Willingness to expose your pain to help others. I like and admire those things. Blessings to you!

  5. Great post and the confusion you are going through is something we have all battled and it is constantly changing. I always thought all that I wanted to do was to work and make a bunch of money – have some kids and retire but then I started working and I was at a job where I would have made a bunch of money but it entailed me working 18 hour days for another five years before that I’d go to a somewhat normal schedule. That quickly made me realize that missing my twenties was going to be worse than not being where I wanted to be (millionaire) by thirty….It’s a few years later than thirty and I’m still nowhere close to my monetary goal but at the same time I’ve never been happier because I’ve learned that my wife and enjoying our lives together in the ‘now’ is what is important to me. Take some time to figure it out and don’t feel like you need to do it all tomorrow…it will take some time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s