And then, life happens.

So, I was having a really lousy day today. I woke up feeling drowsy because I had stayed up way late going through Facebook photos of myself that eventually led to some Facebook creeping of friends, until I was stalking some stranger who appeared to look good in his profile pic but had his profile protected so that’s when I decided to close my laptop and go to sleep. Before snuggling comfortably into bed, I wrote the 5 things I was grateful for that day inside my little gratitude journal and then wrote on my other journal, 2 promises I would keep the very next day in order to get my self-trust back. I wrote: Enjoy food and take the appropriate time to eat it; Apply known and taught techniques to avoid binges; Wake up the first time I hear my alarm clock. 

I kept all of my promises and right now, when I arrived home from the movies with a friend, all I wanted to do was hit the kitchen and eat whatever I set my eyes on. But then I remembered this post on my drafts, the promises written on my journal and the fact that I am willing to change… my mind cooperated this time (today, at least).

Anyways, so, I took a bath in the morning and was in a grateful mood: I had prepared my breakfast, eaten it slowly, was now taking a bath and thinking how fortunate I am to have my own bathroom, my own room, hot water, etc. I got out, moisturised my body and then the dreaded moment to put clothes on arrived. Right now, my clothes don’t fit and I don’t have enough money to go out and buy decent ones (there is also some denial going on, with the fact that I don’t approve of the current look of my body), so I am only wearing clothes that fit me, which are only 2. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt disgusted, that’s the word. Up until that moment, my mood changed dramatically: I got cranky, self-conscious and sad.

I talked to my favourite cousin through my cellphone and she managed to calm me down. Thank you, plims!

I arrived to the office and had to go to the bank to get a new credit card because mine had been compromised and I couldn’t use it at all. I had been postponing that task because well, who enjoys going to the bank? Certainly, not me. Eventually, it all turned out alright, and it seems like the whole day started going my way so naturally, my mood changed.

My day consisted on not bingeing, eating with my friends (and ex-partners), enjoying my food, getting a free drink at Starbucks (and I complain about my weight?), going to the movies for free, and preparing a delicious salad instead of bingeing on unhealthy food.

I am definitely going to sleep with a smile on my face.

All thanks to the beautiful life that happened to me.


13 thoughts on “And then, life happens.

  1. I’m so glad to hear you managed to fight your demons and had such a happy day! Remember it’s a long process but well worth it!
    It does make me sad though when you say you don’t appreciate your body now. You are gorgeous Erika and you deserve to love yourself 🙂

  2. It is definitely hard to face those demons, but once you realize that you are the only one that can control things and only you can choose your attitude for the day, things go by a little more smoother. You only get this one body. Don’t hate it. It is only trying to function the best it can with what you give it. =D It is an incredible machine that can achieve wonderful things as soon as you put your mind to it! So remain positive. Nothing is permanent.

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