I got invited to a play by my mom’s best friend whose daughter is studying to be an actress. It involved actor students presenting their final exam to friends and family. First act was a real drag. But then, new
meat actors appeared on the second and last act. And there he was: a boy playing a living mannequin whose incredibly attractive physique made his role (a living doll) pretty coherent. Yes, I liked him. Yes, I approached him afterwards to compliment his performance (expecting nothing other than a thank you on his behalf). But, pretty actor kid was nice, polite and attentive. So nice, he even approached me, my mom and her friend during the intermission of the second function to chat with us. He made a lot of eye contact with me, so (in my head) that meant he liked me. Second function ended and when he came close to say goodbye to me, I fled due to the fact that I had seen his girlfriend sitting before him. I leave the theatre, not without trying to make eye contact with him from afar. When I turn around, he was already looking my way.
After watching Bridget Jones Diary, I felt relieved I wasn’t the only woman who heard wedding bells in her head when she liked a guy and felt he liked her back. So, I figured it was normal for me to imagine a relationship with actor boy all night and all day long. I knew there was going to be another play the very next day involving the same students. Naturally, I decided I would follow my gut and attend the play once again. So, there I was, on a Friday night,
stalking a boy I liked “following my gut”, looking forward to the second act to corroborate my crush towards this actor student. The function ended and I waited for him to come out so I could “unintentionally” run into him. Long story short, he came over to where me and my posse (my mom, my dad, my mom’s friends) were standing and chatted once again, received compliments from all of us (he is that good), and he acted very differently from what I had pictured in my mind. He didn’t follow my mental script. I even left the theatre turning my head backwards to see if I could cross a final glance with him. But I was not successful this time.
I had to do serious journaling to figure this situation out. Why did I think he liked me? Why didn’t he ask for my phone number, or my name? Why didn’t the mental script come to life the way I expected it to? Was I too naive for thinking he had liked me? What exactly did I like about him? Why did I go through so much trouble to attend a rather lousy play? Why did I fall for an idea of a guy? Why did I think it was a good idea in the first place?
I ended up doing some insight work deriving from this situation, it felt necessary.
I came up with this answer: If something happens, then good. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be. I know my worth, and I am in a process where I am falling in love with myself. The right guy will come along. I liked this one, he didn’t like me back. And it’s ok.
It’s a hard process this one. Some lessons are a hard pill to swallow. But such is life. What I need to keep my focus on, is my self growth, respect and kindness.