I like a boy…

I got invited  to a play by my mom’s best friend whose daughter is studying to be an actress. It involved actor students presenting their final exam to friends and family. First act was a real drag. But then, new meat actors appeared on the second and last act. And there he was: a boy playing a living mannequin whose incredibly attractive physique made his role (a living doll) pretty coherent. Yes, I liked him. Yes, I approached him afterwards to compliment his performance (expecting nothing other than a thank you on his behalf). But, pretty actor kid was nice, polite and attentive. So nice, he even approached me, my mom and her friend during the intermission of the second function to  chat with us. He made a lot of eye contact with me, so (in my head) that meant he liked me. Second function ended and when he came close to say goodbye to me, I fled due to the fact that I had seen his girlfriend sitting before him. I leave the theatre, not without trying to make eye contact with him from afar. When I turn around, he was already looking my way.

After watching Bridget Jones Diary, I felt relieved I wasn’t the only woman who heard wedding bells in her head when she liked a guy and felt he liked her back. So, I figured it was normal for me to imagine a relationship with actor boy all night and all day long. I knew there was going to be another play the very next day involving the same students. Naturally, I decided I would follow my gut and attend the play once again. So, there I was, on a Friday night, stalking a boy I liked “following my gut”, looking forward to the second act to corroborate my crush towards this actor student. The function ended and I waited for him to come out so I could “unintentionally” run into him. Long story short, he came over to where me and my posse (my mom, my dad, my mom’s friends) were  standing and chatted once again, received compliments from all of us (he is that good), and he acted very differently from what I had pictured in my mind. He didn’t follow my mental script. I even left the theatre turning my head backwards to see if I could cross a final glance with him. But I was not successful this time.

I had to do serious journaling to figure this situation out. Why did I think he liked me? Why didn’t he ask for my phone number, or my name? Why didn’t the mental script come to life the way I expected it to? Was I too naive for thinking he had liked me? What exactly did I like about him? Why did I go through so much trouble to attend a rather lousy play? Why did I fall for an idea of a guy? Why did I think it was a good idea in the first place?

I ended up doing some insight work deriving from this situation, it felt necessary.

I came up with this answer: If something happens, then good. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be. I know my worth, and I am in a process where I am falling in love with myself. The right guy will come along. I liked this one, he didn’t like me back. And it’s ok.

It’s a hard process this one. Some lessons are a hard pill to swallow. But such is life. What I need to keep my focus on, is my self growth, respect and kindness.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “I like a boy…

  1. Sadly life is not like a Hollywood movie where he ends up falling in your arms! I think we have all been there, doing “stupid” things for a guy we like! It just goes to show you’re human… And he probably liked you, but not enough that he wanted to date or anything… Or maybe he is in a serious relationship?
    Regardless, it says nothing about you, so I’m glad you are journaling through it 🙂

    • Haha, I knoow, damn Hollywood! It contributes to our expectations!
      Yes, journaling has helped me immensely to understand I have the answers and I can get myself out of any issue! It’s amazing!

  2. Keep focusing on your self growth, respect and kindness and the rest will fall into place. Like HeatlhyFrenchie said we aren’t in a Hollywood movie and his actions don’t mean anything. It took me months to approach my current wife not because we weren’t friendly with one another but the fear of rejection is real in all of us and not every guy has gobs of confidence oozing out of his pores. We are fearful too but if/when he does come to you it will only work if you have figured out yourself first so keep the focus on you in the short term.

    • Wow! Thanks a lot for this comment!!!! You are totally right, I need to focus on my self growth and eventually it will all fall into place. I can’t believe it took you months to approach her!!!! How did you two meet??

      • We worked together for a few months – sat right next to each other and shared a cube wall. Passed each other ten times a day at work exchanged glances but nothing more. I quit that job and after a few months we bumped into each other a few times but nothing but pleasantries. Finally at a friend’s wedding I got up the ‘liquid’ courage to ask her out. It took awhile but I spent years focusing on myself and when I found the right one luckily we were both in the right mental states to make it happen.

    • Wow!! What an interesting story!!!! I love the ending!!! :D. Thanks for sharing it with me, and I’m glad you got the nerve to ask her out. Yes, the focus on self is essential.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s