I really wish I could feel self-assured, that I could feel pretty, that I could choose not to care about what others think, I wish I really could. I am trying, I am putting conscious effort on it, but it seems to be so hard. And I feel so lost most of the times, I don’t even know what I feel, what I want or what I need. I’ve been making decisions based on other people’s opinion my whole life. I’ve allowed myself to be influenced by everybody’s opinion. Not knowing where I stand in almost any subject is both scary and sad. Am I a child? In many areas I think I am.
What I am not willing to do anymore is wasting any more time. I am also not willing to diminish myself anymore. Saying it is a start. Conscious action will have to be involved in order for a change to actually happen. Time to stop wishing and planning. Time to start living and enjoying.