February 4th

A binge, another goddamn binge happened just now.

But, I wasn’t feeling lousy, I wasn’t feeling badly, I just arrived at the kitchen, opened up the refrigerator door and did what I apparently do best: look for food and eat it as if someone was competing with me. When I feel like eating less than healthy snacks my mind tends to say this: “Erika, today you had a very healthy lunch, you ate one small portion of pasta, steamed vegetables and chicken, you did great! Now, you can eat whatever you feel like”. Every single afternoon, I feel like snacking on chocolate… but I feel guilty about it. GUILT is the key word that continues to keep me from recovering. I didn’t find chocolate so I grabbed the peanut butter and ate it with an apple. Eventually, cookies and bananas were involved somewhere along the binge. Instead of dwelling on that nasty, useless feeling, I chose to prepare my meals and snacks for tomorrow, I chose STRUCTURE this time, just what I need in about every area of my life.

Structured eating consists on eating small meals every 3 hours throughout the day. That way I don’t get extremely hungry and stop finding excuses to be wondering around the kitchen. I got that tip from this lovely lady who recovered from Bulimia and created a site dedicated to the ones willing to follow the self-love path.

So, more structure, less guilt for me. And kindness, always and forever, kindness.

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6 thoughts on “February 4th

  1. Erika, I’m sorry you had another binge… At least it sounds like you had fruits rather than just unhealthy foods! Also, I found that not categorizing foods as good and bad helped. I know think of chocolate / cookies / cheese as foods that I can enjoy anytime.
    Somehow, not thinking of them as “forbidden” or restricted helps me eat less of them. Because I know I can have a cookie anytime, I feel more in control of my cravings when I indulge.

    • You’re totally right on the not categorising foods! It makes me feel a certain way when I eat certain foods. I’m working on not feeling guilt and on listening to my cravings without remorse, and on enjoying my meals.
      Thanks for being such a good supporter, Hélène, you are amazing 🙂

  2. Erika I too am sorry you had another binge – I can’t say I know what you are going through but I know how far you come and interacting with you over the past 11 months has been amazing. You are so open and honest on your blog with your feelings and what you are going through that I know you are inspiring so many other people to do the same. While it likely feels like a step back the fact that you are acknowledging what you are going through in such a public forum is so very brave. Keep working at it and doing the best you can – I will continue to follow you on your journey and am sending positive vibes your way always.

    Justin

    • Justin, you are way too sweet! It has also been an joy interacting with you over this time, and I’m glad you’re still around. These amazing words are what keep me going because sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have posted everything I do, so thank you very much for your heartfelt support.
      Lots of love your way.

  3. Hi Erika, sorry to hear you had another binge. I know it sounds all too easy but have to tried to ban unhealthy foods from your house? If you live with other people it can be difficult, but they could always put their stuff in a lockable container that you don’t have access to? Sending big hugs your way.

    • I have tried banning unhealthy foods but I end up binging on whatever I find. I figure out a way of binging and eating anything as fast and as abundantly as possible. Thanks for the hugs!!! 🙂

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