Today I had a not-so-good day: I didn’t wake up to go to my favorite yoga class, I had a not so hot day at work, etc. When I got home I had the intention of going to the gym but then, chocolate amaranth and procrastination got on my way.
I dove into my high school journal and I found pictures of my 14-year old self. I looked so good! I was hot and thin in secondary school, I just didn’t feel like it, I felt inferior and I didn’t enjoy that time in my life. I remember waiting for secondary school to end. “When I get into high school, I will be all I wanna be, I will be free, have a boyfriend, meet new people, have the body of my dreams, etc.” I used to say. And the same thing happened in High school before getting into College, and the same thing happened in College before graduating and getting a job.
I was always waiting for something to change! And I haven’t gotten rid of that way of thinking yet! I postpone workouts, dancing, learning a new language, traveling, etc… I postpone living, CONSTANTLY!
Oh, that 14 year old me and that 25 year old me, how similar we are.
Anyways, all this analysing forced me to get my ass up and work out. It was hard, I enjoyed running but not all of it, and definitely not all of the weight training, but because of that, I felt so proud of myself. It’s silly, it’s a workout, but it felt like a HUGE deal.
Yesterday we celebrated Children’s day here in Mexico. Reason enough to go through photo albums and question my actions.
I want 10 year old Erika to be proud of who she ends up becoming.
I’m on it, Erika, I’m on it.