On being single

I’ve been single ever since I can remember. I didn’t use to date guys as often as other friends did. My first relationship happened when I was 23 years old, 2 years ago. 

I do not feel the pressure to have a boyfriend, I enjoy spending time alone but some days I feel eager to be in a relationship. Today was one of those days. 

A few months ago I went to a friend’s birthday dinner and every friend who was invited brought along a boyfriend or fiance. I asked a female friend to come with me. I didn’t feel badly until I realised how a friend implied I was dating the girl I had gone with. She didn’t even say anything, she just smirked snidely when I said we appeared to be a couple as my friend and I came back from the bathroom. 

So, that annoyed me. It annoys me to this day, so much that I don’t wanna go to this dinner party I have on Saturday, so much that I wish I had a boyfriend in order to prove I can indeed have a boyfriend. 

This person who implied I was a lesbian isn’t even that important to me, she is not even a close friend and yet, here I am, writing a post about it. 

A part of me is 100% certain I will meet my special someone but there is always that part of me that doubts if I ever will… 

Anyways, I try to not let other peoples’ opinions affect me but it is not an easy task. 

“Be independent of the opinion of others”.- Sounds simple but it is not, AT ALL; especially coming from an experienced people pleaser. 

I am documenting this in order for me to read this in a near future and laugh, along with my boyfriend, about this situation that once made me angry and sad. 

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12 thoughts on “On being single

  1. You wrote exactly what I feel about this, in a nutshell. It’s so hard at times to trust in God and know He has a plan concerning that future guy – especially when it seems like EVERYONE around you is falling in love, or getting asked out. Even when they’re complaining about their boyfriend – I sometimes sit there and think.. ‘Well at least you have a boyfriend to complain about!’
    I found a cool quote from Max Lucado about a year or so ago, which goes something like this:
    “A girl’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man will have to seek Him, to find her” – I just love this!
    I know that God’s got an amazing plan in store for you Erika, and you’re so right – when you find that perfect someone, you’ll look back on all this worry and doubt and think ‘Golly gosh, what was I even worried about?!’
    Praying for you!
    Mel x

    • Mel, my dear! I laughed so hard with the ‘Well at least you have a boyfriend to complain about!’ part! It happens to me, too. I totally trust that to be true, and I believe I have unshakable faith! There are just some bad days (and I’m currently in “those” days, you know?) so I just kind of exploded. I love that quote, I also love the one that says: “God is saving you for someone special” and I believe He is 🙂

      Thanks for your support and your words! They mean the world. I don’t think it’s a coincidence we’re so similar!

  2. I’ve been single a long time too and going to events alone is not fun so good for you for bringing a friend. As for the person who implied you were lesbian – well goes to show you how some people are just plain stupid! I have days where I think it’s great being single and other moments when I feel it would be nice to have a life partner… but I know when it’s meant to be it will happen and until then – I don’t bother with other people’s opinions. I get out and enjoy myself and I don’t care what anyone thinks.

    • You are right! I think it was an unfortunate comment from an unfortunate event and person! I am learning patience is key 🙂 Thanks for your insight, Helene!

  3. I know how you must feel. When I go to a party here, my friends always write in the event site that we should all feel free to bring our plus one (which always turns out to be a boyfriend for everyone!). I just show up on my own. But in the past these parties have been so bad with tons of couples and 1-3 singles trying to make conversations.

    • I knooow! Imagine at my age and with a group of more-conservative-than-not friends!! Everybody is either getting married or with someone, ya know? and, the thing is that most times I see my friends being unhappy and I feel privileged being single. But there are those days I don’t feel so hot on my own. I think it’s a matter of perspective and enjoying our singleness by falling in love with ourselves.

  4. Resentments and taking the opinions of others on can be things that block us from the Ultimate Good. I am glad that you posted this, to show just how much these things claw at us, how they undermine us, how they are insidious in nature. You are right that the opinion of that person shouldn’t matter, and yet, it completely matters. You’re writing about it. In cases like that, a shift in perspective, or getting into the process of letting it go is the way to get free of it. Pray if you’re the praying type – to ask for the relief of the resentment and to pray for that person. The idea of one-upmanship won’t solve this resentment. Showing up with 10 new boyfriends still won’t solve this internal issue….but it certainly would be a good way of “getting back” at everyone, wouldn’t it? lol. But really, it’s just ego talking! And ego likes to get us tangled up, doesn’t she?

    As for the boyfriend thing…well, I don’t know what to say. You’re a wonderful person, attractive and vibrant. The boys will come. Just continue to focus on yourself, getting to know yourself more, continuing the work that you’ve been doing so far. As a counselor told us in treatment – date yourself for a while. Learn about what you like, what you don’t like, what makes your happy. For us with addictions, we don’t even know we are half the time (early on), so how can we bring something out for someone else? The time will come, Erika. Patience.

    Enjoy your party on Saturday 🙂

    Blessings,
    Paul

    • Paaaul! I am glad you are commenting my blog even though you mentioned you’d be a little absent from this blogosphere :D. As always, your comments are spot on. I don’t mean to hold resentment for this person, I think she must have a lot of issues of her own and I just need to understand that in order to let go. I AM the praying type so I must sit down and have a little chat with Him :).
      Thanks for the compliments and kind words! I’ll keep dating myself, I think I’m pretty cool to hang out with. Great word of advice. Thank youuu!
      I will enjoy myself 😀 !!

  5. I was single for a long time until I met the Scotsman. And even then I still would do a lot by myself. And I still go to parties and gathering by myself sometimes, especially if it’s something he wouldn’t enjoy.
    Having or not having a boyfriend doesn’t define you, it doesn’t make you more or less worthy. You have great friends, and one of them came with you. How nice!
    You have plenty of time to have a relationship. What that girl said or implied probably says more about her than you anyway.
    It’s funny because we have plenty of single guy friends here that we hang out with and they have no issue with being single and in their late 20s. I don’t see why it should be any different for women…

    • 🙂 she is a nice friend, and i was even considering telling her not to attend the party with me this time but that is just plain stupid. You are so very right, that assumption only shows who that person is! That is a very good way to let go of other people’s snide comments 😀 Thanks!!!

  6. I used to be the same, never had boyfriends when I was younger, gee I never even had real friends… It was by chance I met my now fiancé, and I doubted for very long I was “worthy” of a relationship. When you least expect it, someone special will turn up and it will be you two 🙂

    • Now, this is just a great anecdote! Congrats on the soon-to-come wedding!! I know someone will come along, I know it! If I have such great readers like yourself, why wouldn’t I be able to find someone who’s worth the wait? 😀

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