Scared yet unwilling…

I am so scared of my attitude. It seems like I have stuff I should be doing yet I just don’t do them.

I wanna change my habits and thought patterns and I have the tools, and even though I know it requires action, I stick with the easy part:  happy thoughts and visualisations.

As I was pouring myself a glass of cold green tea downstairs, I thought to myself how unwilling I am to actually do the work it requires to be the best possible version of Erika i know I can be.

And, getting things done seems like so much work! My tools are endless (reading books, doing journaling, actually doing the work, etc) but when I have to apply one, I get overwhelmed and decide to do nothing instead.

So how about new approaches to this situation? Instead of looking at it all as a ton of work and becoming overwhelmed, I will just do it. As I am typing this, my subconscious is laughing in my face saying: “yeah right, keep saying that, you amuse me”. But, I have a plan this time: BEING PRESENT. Act as if there was no tomorrow or yesterday.

Cause procrastination only gets worse over time. Screen Shot 2013-06-01 at 7.01.50 PM

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6 thoughts on “Scared yet unwilling…

  1. I get overwhelmed at times with all I want to do in my life to improve. Just like you, I have many of the tools but it wasn’t until I became sober that I actually am able to find time to do it. Now it’s matter of picking one thing to work on and do it. If I think of all I want to do, it overwhelms me and I just pull back. Pick ‘one’ thing you want to do and go for it! Then when that’s done, move on to something else. For me right now the first thing was getting sober so I could have time to improve my life in other ways (that first thing was a BIG one because it was what was impairing me from achieving any forms of success). We want to do so much in our lives, yet we were wasting it away with the booze. I know you GOT this!! I’m looking forward to reading about your successes!!

  2. I feel the exact same right now! I want (haha!) to study for exams but I cannot get myself to do it, and I know I must. I want to journal, but I don’t get it done. I want to catch up with my friends but I don’t take the time. Instead I spend way too much time doing nothing at all. I found a “solution” though. I need a place that inspires me. Maybe this helps you too? To get some studying work done I now pour myself a cup of tea, open a window, turn off the music and other distractions and use my favorite pens and papers. Anything that will make it more pleasurable seems to work.

    • What a great idea, my dear Anna :). Your ritual sounds heavenly… though I don’t know if I could concentrate without music. Definitely social media is the main cause of my procrastination!!! I’ll try this, I just thought of the perfect spot to do so. Thank you very much!

  3. You have spoken about this before, Erika. It seems to be a block of some sort. We all have those things that block us from being the person we are meant to be. I was an all-or-nothing guy. Still can be at times. But this idea of having to get it all done is our ego at work. Because then when we realize it’s too much to get it all done, we shut it down. Pride at work.

    Willingness is the key here, as you mentioned. I mean, I read my inspirational readings in the morning, do my prayers, l read nurturing quotes on twitter, have my spiritual books, etc. but in the end when I get off the computer, my phone or my knees, I have to clean the kitchen, or get the kids ready, or organize sock drawers (for real…did that this weekend!). For me, there has to be some action, or all that stuff I do is fluff. I don’t remember what I read early in the morning by the time I am up and running, but somewhere in me I carry something of it in some part of my life…and that’s through action.

    Tools aren’t any good unless we use them, and the willingness to use them.

    But the thing is, Erika, we don’t “change” overnight. I can’t make myself a less selfish person or more thoughtful person in a day. I just act like I am less selfish and more thoughtful. That’s about it. No big fireworks. We can’t or don’t alter ourselves in one big whoop. It takes time, yes effort and willingness and action. If you are the praying type, pray for willingness. Or even the willingness to be willing. Sounds silly that last one, but I ask for that often, when it comes to my unfinished amends I need to make.

    Don’t be hard on yourself.


  4. At work we often look at WHY the kids don’t want to do something, why they are avoiding doing some work, etc. More often than not it has to do with too high demands. By decreasing the demands, making stuff easier people are more willing to do them, and then slowly, slowly building the demand up it makes us actually move forward faster. Think about, why do you find it so hard to do some of the things you want yourself to do? How can you decrease the demand. Break big tasks down into tiny ones and reward yourself when you’ve made them, feel happy and proud for the slightest step, and then SLOWLY make it more complex until you’ve mastered the whole thing. I know, it’s easier said/written than done. But it does work. I won’t say “good luck”, because I know you don’t need luck, you can do it anyway!

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