“Now, you can’t just go into the pantry and expect everything to be ok because, chances are, it won’t, it will only get worse”.- That is what I say to myself to talk me into stop bingeing, yet the voice who speaks the truth (the voice of love, that is) seems to be so quiet and laid back I choose to not listen to it.
Yesterday I talked to Lisa and, after my previous post, she helped me get to the bottom of why I criticise myself so harshly. She asked me, amongst many, some very eyeopening questions but, by far, the most striking and shattering ones were:
Do you think you’re surrounded by people who judge enough to feel that it’s ok to critique others?
Could it be that maybe because you judge others so ruthlessly, you feel everyone judges you?
“You are the average of the 5 people you spend most time with”. Definitely the people who surround me are experts at judging… no wonder why I have become one, too. The thing is that I am as much to blame as the people who surround me for being judgemental. The worst part is that I have immersed into negativity, and I don’t know how to get out of it.
Well, fortunately I have guidance and this is what I am aiming for these days:
Enjoying and loving myself exactly how I am right now, not 20 pounds lighter, not with a better job, etc. Getting close to people who go through the same battles I go through so we can support each other and cheer each other up.
Knowing that my natural, healthy weight will find its way when I show love and respect for my temple: my body. I’ve been feeding my negative wolf and starving the positive one. The negative voice LOVES eating compulsively, and judging, and sleeping in, and procrastinating.
Talk about being an expert in the negative field.
Instead of being an expert in criticising, I must focus on lifting others up, on pointing their positive traits and what makes them beautiful (on the inside and out). I’ll see a mirror in them. I’ll do additional journal work, in order to tell myself everything that is beautiful and valuable about me. Feed the loving voice all day long. Say stuff about myself that I love, praise myself, celebrate my inner and outer beauty! BRING THE PRESENCE TO NOW. Quieting the critic, not trying to eliminate it. Don’t allow hate to take over. Recognise it and stop!
This week I’ve been trying and have realised how much work I still have to do.
Recognise the love within and expand it, spread it.