All day long I decided to wallow, be sad and miserable. I cried all afternoon. I didn’t wanna leave my bed, I chose depression, I even think a huge part of me wanted to feel it, inhale it, let it take over me. I even looked for depressing songs up, I found reasons to feel down and if I ran out of them, I looked for more.
I decided to feel sadness and misery, nobody else did, and nothing on the outside provoked my immersion into depression.
Eventually I got tired and felt like getting myself out of that hole. I went to the gym and “drama queen Erika” left.
I don’t know if this is good or bad. I am fully aware I chose to feel the way I felt, to spend most of my day like a crying vegetable. I think my period is coming but I also think I consciously got myself into a downward spiral because it gave me an excuse to sit around and do nothing.
During my time at the gym I was an entirely different person: I talked nicely to myself, felt joyous, smiled the whole time, visualised, felt motivated, and fell in love with myself all over again.
The important thing here is that I am going to think I allowed depression to sink in because I welcomed it only for a day, only to listen to what it had to say. Well, I listened and now I can move on with my joyous life thankyouverymuch.
“I forgive you, I love you and I know you exist inside me, you big drama queen. Now let me live my drama-free existence.”