Oh, there you are!

It had been silent for a while… ok, maybe not silent but very quiet, a week and a half to be exact, and that is a long time, at least to my loud, overly chatty, demanding negative voice. It spoke to me in the morning and said: “Don’t get up, let’s sleep in”, and sleep in I did. At work it also tried to sabotage me, to keep me useless but I chose not to let it take over me and managed to stay productive. I looked in the mirror and it whispered: “you are not pretty” but decided it was not true. It called me lazy and didn’t want me to work out but I worked out anyway. It tried to make me eat more in the afternoon while I was home but I immediately went upstairs to get out of the kitchen. I went downstairs to grab a cup of tea and picked 2 cookies up but only ate one. At night, after the workout I was very hungry and, I chose to have a binge. I hadn’t had one in a long time so why not have it now?.

Thoughts during the binge:

“You are slowing your weight loss process by doing this”

“You are sabotaging yourself yet once again”

“Maybe you like food way too much, maybe being fit isn’t that easy”

“I worked my ass off, I can eat all of this, I’ll just pretend I’m in maintenance”

“Maybe you’re afraid to lose weight or to have a healthy relationship with food” Ā 

“You are only lying to yourself”

“Don’t expect perfection”

And then, I stopped.

This is not a pity post, nor one to victimise myself. This is proof that the negative voice is starting to quiet down. Today I am choosing to forgive myself and have compassion towards me. I listened to it today but its repetitive, hating nature doesn’t go with me.

I am slowly but steadily getting the power back.

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13 thoughts on “Oh, there you are!

  1. Thanks for sharing this, Erika.

    The negative voices don’t ever go away, really. But we learn to ignore them or deal with them in different ways, to diffuse them. You were able to stop and just put those thoughts away while having that binge. And the binge stopped. And then amongst the rubble, you saw the voice for what it was and you started to hear the real voice that we tend to ignore at times – the one that tells you that you need compassion towards yourself, that you’re enough. And you are. And I have to remember this too. I get a lot from your posts. I learn from you that compassion and self-love are still there, that if you can do it, Pablo can do it too. And I forget that simple but powerful lesson sometimes. Love conquers all šŸ™‚

    Blessings,
    Paul

    • I hadn’t replied to this, I can’t believe my rudeness!
      Oh, Paul, I get so much from your lovely insightful comments on my blog and from your amazingly well articulated, well written posts! You have a true gift! Pablo, of course you can do it, every single day you do! And, hell yeah, love conquers all.

      Lots of love and blessings your way.

  2. I want to share this with you. I am so proud of you for writing this blog, for sharing your story, and for being loving and supportive of yourself. You are inspiring people, I can feel it because you inspire me! I have listened to this talk twice now and each time I get something more out of it. I love how Ram puts it, “I am so gentle with myself.” It’s so important that we love ourselves the way we want to be loved by others. ā¤ Namaste sweet lady!

    • šŸ™‚ šŸ™‚ !!! That’s what I want, to inspire people, I can’t tell you how happy it makes me reading these words, Kaycie my deaaar! Yes, compassion towards self and infinite love is definitely the way. I’m still learning to walk through it but I certainly am enjoying it.
      Thank you for your lovely words.

    • Hahaha, Kayceeee, I wouldn’t mind doing both! We must do that someday! we could meet on a middle spot, considering I live in Mexico, and you live in the States. I must tell you something weird but cool (I know you love to read these stuff) : Today, after reading your response to my comment on your marriage post, I started thinking about marriage and my wedding and all that wonderful stuff, and decided that I would love to include you and your husband in my guests, when my wedding takes place. I think I’ll have a whole table for my bloggin’ community :). So, you’ve been warned, you’ll attend a Mexican wedding in a near future ;).

      • OMG that would be AMAZING!! He will love that idea as much as I do! Thank you for the exciting prospect! I have never been to Mexico so it’s great to know I have a friend there now! ā¤

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