Get a job cause you have no money left

I feel sad, frustrated and sad because I don’t wanna look for a job somewhere else, I wanna think that I’ll land the job where I was successful in on an interview. I am very afraid that I got lucky on that place, and luck won’t repeat itself on other places. I get anxious on interviews, I get nervous, I don’t know what to expect, how much I will wait, or if they will like me, or if I’ll screw it all up.

But my frustration also comes from the fact that I currently have no…money…left. I don’t know how I repel it, I’ve been broke ever since I opened my graphic design business. I’ve also become lazy and unmotivated, I certainly do not work the extra time it requires for an entrepreneur to get clients, land projects, etc. I definitely know having my own business is NOT a passion of mine. And, I act lazily and irresponsibly because I still live with my parents and even though I have zero money on my bank account, I know they’ll take care of me… how immature of me, right?

And, also, the frustration comes from not having money to dress right, to buy new jeans that aren’t torn down on the crotch, to buy new shoes whose sole isn’t broken, to be confident when I go to an interview and know that I will be dressed appropriately for it. I know it’s superficial, I know it’s stupid and immature to feel badly because I have no money to buy clothes or a car of my own, or a small trip, or a dinner with friends. It’s immature but I guess so am I.

I’m tired, I’ve hit a plateau on tiredness and apathy. And it all comes down to money. I am certainly looking forward to get a job to get some steady money. Not having money gets me in the worst mood and spirals my bad attitude and irresponsible behaviour.

If I had money I could learn french, go to a different gym, go to the movies without worrying of the cost, buy a plane ticket and go somewhere outside the city for a weekend, pay my own cellphone, cut ย my hair, etc.

So, there world, I am frustrated and sad and scared of going to more interviews, of putting myself out there, of receiving lousy wage offers, of being put down, of waiting for an answer (one that may never even come).

And, I know that what I put out into the universe comes back to me but right now this is how I feel and I even feel I should not procreate any kids because they’ll have the same awful habits as mine, the same frustration to failure, the same laziness, immaturity, and complaining nature.

I’m in a meh mood, and even with all that I’ll go work out to see if anything changes.

Today I hated my day and my lack of productivity and how I dressed, and everything.



8 thoughts on “Get a job cause you have no money left

  1. Erika, my dear!
    I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so down and so upset at the moment! Money and financial situations can be such a sore spot for most people, but it sounds like you’re really struggling at the moment. I know there’s not much I can do here, and it sounds cliche but I will definitely be praying for you sis. Remember to lean on God during this time, even when it feels like you should be doing everything but that. He will bring the right job in the right timing, I just know it. My Dad didn’t have a job for almost a year and he got so depressed and sad, but then God brought about the perfect job for him and he couldn’t be more happy now. As for your parents, don’t be afraid to take their care and support as a true blessing for the moment. I totally understand how you don’t want to – I can’t stand asking my parents for things and I feel like I’m burdening them. But trust me, that’s not the case at all. They’re there for you too and I’m sure they’ll help you through this for the time being.
    And as for procreating – gurrrl, don’t say that! Your future husband and yourself are going to have the most amazing and God-minded kids, from what I’ve seen with your beautiful example. Don’t put yourself down anymore, love. It’s so awesome to vent and get out all the yuck feelings, but set your sights on the positive now, and grasp hold of God’s hand. He’s there with open arms and wants to give you the biggest hug and let you know that it’s all going to work out. And it is. I promise.
    Praying for you lovely, and always here if you need a chat or vent – because we know how much of a venter I am too, haha!
    Love you sis! xxxx

    • Mel, my dear angel: This comment helped me in ways you can’t even imagine. I think your prayers were heard because, I am currently following a tumblr that belongs to a pastor and he posts quotes from God and yesterday night I started reading them and it was as if He was talking to me, it changed my mood entirely and gave me strength I needed! I reblogged almost every single one of them on my blog, you can check it out, I think you’ll like it:

      I am also certain my ideal job will take time, it’s just so hard to be patient sometimes! But I do have faith and I must trust the process.
      When I have one of these days, I put myself down in very dangerous ways! About the kids I did think about that at the moment, that’s why I wrote it down, but looking back on yesterday, I think I went too far, oh what an expert I am on victimising myself and wallowing on a bad day. I also know why I had such a bad day: my period! haha, I usually get like that when it starts, and it started on Wednesday, no wonder I was feeling aloof.
      I wanna point out how much your support means to me, Mel. Thanks for taking the time to read my crazy rants, commenting and making me feel like I have a wonderful friend on the other side of the world. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! And the same goes for you, too. I’m here for ya always ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. Mel said it very well, Erika, in many ways.

    It’s a circular thing there – no motivation, no money. No money, no motivation. Something has to break, yes? Living with folks is good, and I know it’s more and more common, and has been common in many cultures. But for self-esteem, it’s not so much the money but also the feeling of being useful. I think if one was volunteering, or really getting out there with resumes, or doing other things that brings value and worth to one self, then the idea of living with others and being taken care of may not bother them so much. I am not giving advice, but I know what it’s like. There were two periods where I was living with my folks and both times I felt useless. I worried about money. About getting out there. It was easy for me to feel safe and coccooned at my folks place, but I knew at some point I needed to be out of there. Working on self esteem or having the sense of value doesn’t start with the wallet. It comes from within. I know that’s a bit corny, but it’s true. Lots of people with money out there who hate themselves or think so little of themselves, and vice-versa. I found that if i just did the things I needed to do – put myself out there, do the little things well, do the extra things, etc. then things take care of themselves. Hit as many interviews as you can, come with a positive attitude and if it doesn’t work out, still have a positive attitude.

    I interview and hire folks. The ones that stand out aren’t the ones with the great resumes. It’s the ones with the great attitude. I would rather teach someone with few skills but a great attitude than take someone one with great skills and poor attitude. The ones that leave an impression on me are the ones who show a real interest and passion. The stellar skills on pages of paper don’t leave as much an impression.

    Be gentle to yourself. Don’t worry about the fantastic children you will have yet. Focus on Erika. Fabulous Erika ๐Ÿ™‚


    • Mel is such a wise person, isn’t she? I have like THE BEST followers in the blogging universe! That includes you, Paul, obviously! I also think that self-esteem and self worth come from within, as well as from being of service. Even though I do help at home, I feel like sometimes I’m very much thinking about me, me, me. My problems, my weight, my lack of money, etc. That is the hard part, coming out of the interviews with the best attitude possible, but I will have to try, I’m sure these are lessons I must learn. Paul, I didn’t know you hired and interviewed! Wow, this is just too amazing, and yes, I think I try to appear as upbeat and positive as I can on interviews, I also think it is VERY important, and if a company doesn’t value that, it isn’t a place I wanna work at. But, these breakdowns of mine really make me question my sanity, and my well-being, I mean, who would want to hire (or date, or be around) a mess like the one I portrayed in this post?! I worry about that, but I think this also means I have a long way to go, and I must work on myself. Thank you, as always, dear Paul!!!!!

  3. I hate to say it girl, but sometimes you just gotta suck it up and flip some burgers! What I mean is, that while you are struggling and frustrated, why not get a job that pays the bills so that at least some money is coming in. You never know who you will meet or what you will discover about yourself while simply doing some work. There are jobs you believe are beneath you, but ultimately carrthemessage is right, you gotta break the cycle of no money = no motivation. If you can’t get motivated, then make some money! I have found that not enjoying being at my current job has actually given me MORE motivation to get my side business off the ground. Yes, some days I don’t get to bed until 1:00am because I use my evenings to work on the business…but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel: FREEDOM. I’m less worried about security, and more worried about the ability to have a flexible schedule based on what I want and need for myself.

    As for living with parents, my husband and I are proudly moving in with his Mom as soon as the lease is up. We all consider it a win-win-win. She needs some help around the house and some company, we need a reprieve from paying rent while we pursue our passions and she gets to feel like she’s helping us move towards our dreams. If you are feeling bad about your living situation, flip that energy around and don’t take it for granted! Appreciate the fact that you have the roof over your head while you figure out who you are. Feel a deep sense of gratitude for all the love and support you receive. That is a great way to boost your energy!

    Would you like a complementary tarot reading to help you get some juices moving? It’s a great way to think creatively about your situation. We can do it via skype or email, you pick! I might even practice my distance Reiki on you since I’m still mastering that technique.Let me know if you are interested!!

    Good luck sweet lady, Keep yer chin up!

    • Kayceee!!! I would love a tarot reading! ๐Ÿ˜€ We could skype! This weekend could work, are you available? Ok, maybe let’s do this over email. My email is:
      We could arrange the meeting through there. Thanks for the offer, my deeeaaar!!
      And yes, I should break the cycle by working and making money, AND practice on not taking for granted the fact that I have my own room, that both my parents are there for me, and that I get to be close to my family. Thank you for your support!!

  4. Gosh, I know your pain more than you know. I am a perpetual procrastinator, lazy person, and just all around wait-and-see kind of person. I have to try really hard at not being that way, and sometimes, more often than I like to admit, I fail. I’ll laze around all day and then wonder, at 10:30 at night, why I haven’t gotten any work done. Oh yeah, I watched TV for 3 hours, then I made lunch for an hour, and then ate it watching TV, then took a nap, then showered, and oh yeah, then it’s 10pm. It’s hard to keep motivation up, but you just gotta push yourself. Forgive yourself from yesterday, and just try harder today!

  5. Pingback: Gratitude narrowed into a post | myrecoverydiary

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