Not ok

Even though I’m swimming almost daily, even though I write on my Gratitude Journal every night, even though I am happily employed I find myself in the same place where I’ve been before. Food is my barometer, to see if I am ok or not. My desire to lose weight hasn’t disappeared and I think it never will. I admire fit people and fantasize over wearing clothes and walking about 30 pounds lighter.  The habit to eat compulsively hasn’t died yet, and sometimes I don’t know if I want it to.

Now that I got that out of my system, I can go back to telling myself:

You can and you will unlearn the habit of eating compulsively and turning to food when stressed, sad or anxious. You are powerful beyond belief. You are your own master, not food or anything else. I love you and always will. Let’s go to sleep, tomorrow is a new day.

The power of self-compassion will never cease to amaze and heal me.


10 thoughts on “Not ok

  1. Good affirmation, my friend. Keep going with it. We have that voice in us that will never, ever leave. That’s for sure. It’s how we respond to it. Hell, there are days where someone will pass by with a tray of wine and you know what? It smells good sometimes. I won’t lie. But then again, I am alcoholic. I won’t drink today, nor do I forsee me doing so in the future, but I have to be aware that the voice is always going to be there. Always. Just have to remember God is in the picture, then it scutters away 🙂

    Keep swimming, keep doing the things that bring you joy.

    Nice to see you post here 🙂

    Love and light,

    • Paul! Oh, Paul! I was gonna comment the other day on your blog saying how you should teach many men I know a lesson or two on how to be a great man. I am always delighted by your words and wisdom. Thanks infinitely!
      And yes, I tend to forget God and remember him when it’s convenient… very badly done. I must keep allowing myself to be more me.
      Love and the best vibe to ya!

  2. You are doing great! Don’t be too hard on yourself. Perfection is an illusion and an unrealistic goal…instead keep seeking balance. Negative thoughts may never go away, but your ability to let them go will continue to improve and grow dynamically. I love the affirmations and I applaud you for sharing. We are all in this together. Sending love your way!


  3. Erika, you’re doing great. You are already doping so much better than you were say a year ago.
    It takes time to get to a place of self love. And even then it’s normal to have doubts and days when the grass seems greener elsewhere. Keep on taking care of yourself.

  4. I really admire of what you are doing up to now, and hope you can see all the progress you have had, remember you can be your best friend!!!

  5. Pingback: the un-secret « Sober Identity ~ Reprogramming an Addictive Mind

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