Déjà vu

Binges

Immaturity

Binges

Overeating

Not taking care of myself

Postponing things

Staying stuck 

I cannot let my guard down. Even though on Saturday I binged and wanted to throw it all up, I stopped myself and avoided doing that. I thought of my progress and knew that no amount of food can make me go back so many steps. I keep dreading gaining weight, I hate being overweight to this very day.

But now i understand what part do bulimia and overeating play in my life. They are that part of me who refuses to grow up. Being overweight and eating recklessly keep me focused on just that: on losing weight or eating “normally”. That way I don’t have to think of anything else.

My question right here right now is: What are you gonna do about this? Action is required, not overanalyzing. What keeps me from overeating? Preparing. What keeps me from growing up? Not assuming myself as an adult (and everything that implies being one).

Tomorrow is a new day, a new start. And even though I am still a child in many ways, I am also an adult in the making. 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Déjà vu

  1. Sorry to hear that you’re struggling, Erika. Ugh. Complacency and overanalyzing usually gets me in a vulnerable place. For me, I have been feeling that for a while, so I have gotten someone to help me through this. An old timer friend. We are going to do some work together so that I can bolster what I need help with. I mention this because you mentioned one word in there that jumped out at me – action. What actions can we take that will make us healthier? That will keep us centered and grounded? That will promote self-love and preparation?

    I am with you no matter what path you choose, my friend 🙂

    Get well:)
    Paul

  2. I do believe in you!!! You are strong and intelligent…. you just have to believe in your inner wisdom and act according to it….Love you 😉

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