Not ok

Even though I’m swimming almost daily, even though I write on my Gratitude Journal every night, even though I am happily employed I find myself in the same place where I’ve been before. Food is my barometer, to see if I am ok or not. My desire to lose weight hasn’t disappeared and I think it never will. I admire fit people and fantasize over wearing clothes and walking about 30 pounds lighter.  The habit to eat compulsively hasn’t died yet, and sometimes I don’t know if I want it to.

Now that I got that out of my system, I can go back to telling myself:

You can and you will unlearn the habit of eating compulsively and turning to food when stressed, sad or anxious. You are powerful beyond belief. You are your own master, not food or anything else. I love you and always will. Let’s go to sleep, tomorrow is a new day.

The power of self-compassion will never cease to amaze and heal me.



For a 2014 filled with self-love.

Remember that guy I had a crush on at the gym? Well, we got to talk a LOT. I discovered he is a jerk because he doesn’t like FRIENDS (who doesn’t like FRIENDS, seriously?), made fun of my career and said I was too old to be single. We didn’t go out or anything, this all happened at the gym, while we were both working out. I could really see through his responses how ego driven, self centered and insecure this guy is. Anyways, after getting to know him a bit better I discovered I had made an idea of what he was like on my mind and reality didn’t match it.

A normal, self-loving person would have forgotten about this crush and moved on.

Not me.

I thought I was through with it but then, I downloaded TINDER. Tinder is an app that shows you single people around your area and if you like someone, he/she will find out only if they like you back. So, as I was scrolling through single guys I was imagining how cool it would be if I found gym guy there… and then BAM, there he was! Naturally, I liked him and guess what? he liked me back. Tinder then, indicated we were a match.


What I had been wanting to be sure of since July…

We’ve been chatting (because I started a conversation with him) but he seems less than interested: it takes ages for him to reply, I ask the questions and he seems to be answering in order not to seem rude.

Why is it that I have a special attraction for jerks? Why is it that I know this is all wrong yet I keep wishing for him to reply?

Dating shouldn’t be as hard or as disappointing as this situation I allowed myself to be in. So why am I attracted to this jerk who is evidently wrong for me?

Will be continued…

This year, I will work even harder to love myself more than I already do. Then, the rest will follow.

Thank you. (Yes, you, goodlookin’ reader)

Hello, everybody. This is me, Erika.

A year ago I was a mess, a total and complete mess. I didn’t like my body, my job or myself… but I did nothing to change it, I just chose to be depressed. I thought depression was out of my control but actually, it was a choice. I chose not to be happy because I thought I needed many things to accomplish fulfilment or happiness. 

A year ago I was different but throughout it I chose to work with the tools I found through this blog, through all the wonderful people I read and the amazing ones who read me who I get to call friends. You know who you are ;).

I started this blog to be inspired and never imagined I would receive comments from people saying how I inspired them. You have been the ones who keep me going. Everytime I was down and wrote about it, one comment from an amazing person behind his/her computer would make me know I was not alone. I am not alone and I know it because of you. 

I wanna tell you that you are an extremely important factor in my recovery and I love you for that.

A year ago I didn’t have a blog family. Today, I do. 

Love, me. Image 

PS: Keep writing in your wonderful blogs. Even though I’ve been absent from mine, I’ve kept reading yours. 


Love is the way

I thought I was ready, that is why I called her in the first place. My old nutritionist, that is. And she is a good nutritionist! Her “diet” isn’t strict, everything is allowed in the right amount, in moderate portions. I’m talking flour, sugar, chocolate, everything is allowed. I love her system, I do. But then, while I was eating that last piece of chocolate chip cookie in the morning (even though I was beyond full), I remembered that going to a nutritionist isn’t the solution. Self love is, breeding healthy habits is, listening to my body is, loving my body the way it is today is the answer.

Today I saw an friend of a friend at the mall. He didn’t see me. 2 years ago he lost a LOT of weight, like people didn’t even recognise him afterwards. He lost the weight with the help of a nutritionist and he felt and looked great. I was in awe with his story, I got motivated and decided to try (yet another time) to go to a nutritionist. Months later, I was bingeing and barfing again. Today I saw that man I am talking about and he has gained the weight back again. I don’t think me seeing him was a coincidence. 

The point of this post/story? 

Going back to a nutritionist will help me lose weight quickly but not definitely. Eating consciously and healthily every single day will contribute to build healthy habits for my entire life. 

So, once again, LOVE is ALWAYS the way. 


This video moved me to the point of tears. I’ve been pretty teary-eyed lately. In a goood way. I’ve been happy, happy, happy.

I feel like sharing my happiness. I realised I used to only write when I wanted to vent and it works amazingly well but this time I’ll vent my joy.

I turned 26 on September the 18th and had an absolutely amazing time. I celebrated for about 3 weeks! I am finally enjoying celebrating my birthday without worrying too much about who will show up and who won’t. I am falling in love with myself enough to realise that whoever wants to be there, will be there. The day of my birthday I worked like crazy and enjoyed it cause I happen to LOVE my job. I didn’t think I’d come to this, to being so happy with myself.

Writing every single night on my gratitude journal has been the best decision I’ve ever made. I get to document all the things that make my life bright and they just keep piling up. I started writing 5 sentences per night. Now my list goes on for 2 or 3 pages each night. It is very true that when you Appreciate what you have you end up having more. 

Life is really good. And I say that while I rest my swollen, injured foot because of a sprain I had on Sunday night. I say that while I’m still happily single. I say that without having lost all the weight I would like to. I say that without having a perfect existence. But I am happy because I love happiness and she loves me back.

I’m allowing  happiness to become a part of me because as Beyoncé says, life is but a dream. And we are all living miracles. 


Healthy (yes, healthy) dessert cooked by my dear blondie.


My gorgeous-looking gratitude journal


Dinner cooked by yet another friend who also happened to buy White Wine… and Champagne, and sparkling wine.


Me and my “twinny” (a dear friend whose birthday happens to be on the exact same date as mine)


My best friend and I looking dapper on a friend’s wedding


A childhood friend and I having fun at the music festival where I sprained my foot at.


My first birthday cake and the most special one cooked by my mom and adorned by my lil’ sis.


2 friends and I. I love the candidness of this picture, it’s just perfect.

FREE Intuitive Tarot Reading by Joyful Lotus

Check Joyful Lotus out and get the chance to win a free Tarot Reading!

joyful cacophony

I am a professional Tarot reader and Reiki practitioner.  My friend and I started a business called Joyful Lotus in order to share our intuitive and healing gifts with others.

I do Intuitive Tarot Readings. An Intuitive Tarot Reading is not the same as “fortune telling.” My talented business partner, Mina, designed this amazing information card to help our clients understand our services:


Are you interested?

As a way to gain valuable feedback and practice I would like to offer a free Intuitive Tarot reading (either by email or in person) to three random participants who respond to this post and follow the instructions below.

Step 1: Visit the Joyful Lotus website and take a look around.

Step 2: Leave a comment below and answer these questions:

What do you enjoy most about the Joyful Lotus website? 

What did you feel was missing from our website?

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Gratitude narrowed into a post


I am so grateful, it ought to be contagious.

I have a job now! Remember how I was complaining about not having money and a job and whatnot? Well, that attitude didn’t do any good to my situation, it only worsened it. I started to thank in advance for a great job and chose to be happy (jobless) instead of waiting to land a job in order to be and guess what? It worked cause now I have a job (!!!!) and even though today was my second day, I am L O V I N G it like crazy. I like what I’m doing, I like my coworkers and I am just amazed of how good life can be if I let it. Life loves me back now that I’ve chosen to love it.

This isn’t a post to brag, this is a post to thank.

I am grateful for my new, harmonious job.

I am grateful for having friends who worry and care for me.

I am grateful for having a great gym to go to.

I am grateful for making smart choices at eating.

I am grateful for being me and loving me.

Life is truly wonderful if you allow it to, friends. I love you for reading me and am grateful for you too (you beautiful thing, you).

Sending infinite love!!!

Instead of “does he like me?”, “Do I like myself?”

So, remember how I talked about the boy I like at the gym? Well, through wise advise from friends and self realisations, I’ve come up with several conclusions that I wanna share.

By wondering if he likes me, if he’ll go to the gym, if he thinks I look good while running, etc., I’ve been giving too much power to what he thinks, and while doing that, I idealised and glorified him. By doing so, I had him on a pedestal and found it impossible to look at him, let alone talk to him.

So, yesterday I chose to shift my perception and not look at him from a crush mindset but rather look at him as any other guy. I dropped the expectations and just let it be. He intervened while I was on the leg press machine and said that I would damage my knees the way I was doing it; he also helped me find some weights and was overall interested in what I was doing in the weight room. I didn’t try to interpret his actions, I just allowed them to happen and it felt so damn good.

And I basically concluded that either he likes me or not, either people approve of me or not, I like and love myself and keep working on it every single day. expectations 2expectations 1

Like a Child

Reblogging this to remember the importance of being present. Beautifully written, heartfelt and sincere.

Taozi Tree Yoga

After 5 years in Uganda… this past Tuesday… she left. It was heartbreaking for her but she knows it was the right thing to do.

This is a very special post by my dear sister, Leah Pauline. She wrote this as part of our “Adventures Abroad” series. It is a moving piece about walking forward with faith…Enjoy. 

leah 2

Like a Child…

     First of all, I am not a yogi. I like yoga. I respect people that do yoga. I once committed myself to doing yoga for a week and loved the way I felt so physically aware of my body, but again, I would never call myself a yogi. When my incredible spiritual yogi sister asked me to do a guest post on her yoga blog, I had no idea what to write about. In fact, I was confused why she would even ask me. She is convinced that…

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Thank you

I am grateful for the cozy, warm, huge and amazing house I live in because I often take it for granted and it is just breathtakingly beautiful.


I am grateful for having taught a very nice woman today how to use her Mac more efficiently, and getting paid for providing that service. It may have appeared to be insignificant but it felt infinitely amazing.

I am grateful for my readers who light my day up with their comments, with their own posts and our connection. You shed amazing energy into my life in ways you can’t imagine.

I am grateful for having the best mom I could have ever asked for. She teaches me how to be a better person every single day.



3 Blessings

I am grateful for being able to consciously stop a binge, because it shows how much I’ve grown throughout this recovery.

I am grateful for my body because, you know what? it’s pre-tty amazing, healthy, functional, and aesthetic. And mainly, this body walks, runs, does weight training, dances and tries every single day to be stronger than the day before.


I am grateful for remembering to be happy for no reason. Because, as Deepak Chopra said:

“Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you’re in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you.”

Screen Shot 2013-08-13 at 11.13.38 PM

I designed this quote today, I am also grateful for this.

Positive change program, week 1

Cauldrons and Cupcakes’ Nicole is inviting anyone who wants to change, to join an eight week program she designed. I tried her Gratitude Challenge in the past and really felt happier afterwards so, naturally, when I read about this new program I knew I had to try it. You can check her blog out for more details.

I’m going to do this on my blog in order to get accountability and to spread positive and loving change!!! Also, to motivate myself through this platform :).

The first step is writing this affirmation down:

Dear Universe,

All of my life I have wanted to move in this new direction. I have felt it calling me, I have felt it just beyond my reach, although I have not always been able to clearly define that place or what it might mean for me.

I have always known that I was destined for more – being more, loving more, sharing more, having more.

Although I am uncertain, although I still cannot name all the changes I desire, my heart is open to them if they be for my Highest Good.

Today I honour my yearning for change, and I offer it up to you,trusting that I will be guided to discover the next steps, that I will be drawn to inspiration and opportunity, and that I can create a life for myself which is more expansive, more aligned to my purpose, more in flow.

My commitment to you is that for the next 8 weeks (and beyond) I am willing to explore and open to the possibilities of change, and to celebrate the many Blessings I already enjoy.

With love and gratitude, Erika. 

The next step is writing 3 blessings in my life:

Today I am thankful for exercising because after every hard workout I feel like the sexiest, happiest, most powerful woman alive (even though I may not look like it haha).


I am thankful for getting to see my best friend every day of the week, act silly with him and laugh till my belly aches.

Me and Manu being silly on a rearview mirror...

Me and Manu being silly on a rearview mirror…

I am thankful for having a friend who is going through the same path, motivates me and allows me to motivate her every single day.


And last but not least:


Thanks for reading and witnessing my loving change 😉 .


Tonight I am grateful for : 

The rain.

The song “Dancing in the Moonlight” that’s currently randomly playing on Spotify.

Meeting with old friends.

Having a close relationship with my sister.

My special friendship with Blondie

Realising that God is in my life all the time. 

My family. 

Going to a party wearing pants and not feeling (so) badly about it. 

Loving myself. 

Being myself.