Why I am grateful

You know what, diary? I just binged. I ate a mini brownie, a bolillo, 1/4 of avocado, and lots of Ritz cookies.

But a binge doesn’t define my day.

Waking up at 6 am to exercise does. Waking up with a smile on my face does define my day because there was a time, not long ago when I used to wake up not wanting to live, not wanting to get out of bed or even go outside. I keep remembering how horrifying and awful that was.

So now, I am grateful for every single day I wake up healthy, happy and looking forward for the day ahead of me.

I am no longer trying to analyse my binges, even though I wish they wouldn’t happen anymore. I am not wasting any more time overanalysing the negative aspects of my day. Because doing so brings more of the same.

Thanking God every single day for waking up.

Being grateful for having health.

Showing gratitude for my job by being of service.

Loving those around me more than I can imagine.

Meditating every single night

Having discipline.

Working hard.

Those things I can focus on and overanalyse. That way, I can keep growing. That way I can keep living.

Liebster Award

liebster21

The lovely Colleen from Sprinkles and Skirts nominated me and brought me back to blogging :).

The Liebster award is an award given out to meet new bloggers and identify your favorite ones.

After receiving the award you must:

1) Post the award on your blog.

2) Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.

3) Write 11 random facts about yourself.

4) Nominate any number of bloggers you think deserve this award. If possible, they should have less than 200 followers.

5) Answer the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you, and ask 11 questions to the people you nominate in your post. 

I nominate these amazing blogs:

Message in a bottle 

Joyful Cacophony

The Roaming Lama

Lose da Booze

Morning Tear

Work of your hands 

Weightloss Counter Revolution

Sprinkles and Skirts

Cauldrons and Cupcakes

Lifeyum

Sober Identity

Questions for my beautiful nominees:

What 3 items would you take if you went to a desert island?

What do you like most about life?

What makes you happy?

What is your passion?

What is it that you do every day to keep you joyful?

Why do you blog?

What is your favourite food in the world?

What is your biggest dream in life?

What book are you currently reading?

Who is your role model and why?

Favourite movie of all time?

Eleven random facts about me: 

1. I am a very good and happy Graphic Designer (not a web designer, evidently)

2. I have learned to love myself through this blog (I’m still learning)

3. My family is the most important thing in my life

4. Chocolate is the second most important thing in my life 

5. I am a sucker for anything that has “vegan”, “gluten free”, “organic” attached to any food title because it removes any feelings of guilt in my head

6. Dancing is part of my essence

7. I have an obsession with living abroad

8. Through this blog I have developed meaningful friendships (and hopefully long-lasting ones)

9. I have come to enjoy weightlifting thanks to several accounts I follow on Instagram of kick ass women

10. I think Beyoncé is the epitome of perfection in a human being 

11. I LOVE meeting new people and keeping them around 

Answers to questions asked by Colleen:

1. What is your favorite piece of clothing that you own and why? A blue blazer from Banana Republic cause it’s both pretty and cozy.

2. What is your achilles heel? Chocolate.

3. What is your biggest pet peeve? Visible tumors, or weird skin rashes.

4. Tropical beach or European city vacation? Tropical beach in winter, European city on summer.

5. What are you self-conscious about? My legs.

6. What inspires you? Blogs, beautiful movies, over achievers, Ted Talks, kind people, animals. 

7. Would you call yourself an introvert or an extrovert and why? An extrovert. I’ve been told I don’t have word-filter.

8. Cat person or dog person and why? Dog person ❤ <3. I’ve always been around dogs.

9. If you could interview anyone from history or today who would it be and why? Mindy Kaling because I admire her entirely.

10. What are you most proud of in your life? Recovering from bulimia.

11. What is your favorite thing to cook/bake? Tuna, basil, onions and tomato cous cous.

If you reached this part of the post, I congratulate you and leave you with a big kiss :* !!!

This is me.

So I was thinking today, a lot, a lot, a lot. And I think most when I should be sleeping or reading or doing all those stuff I say I have no time for. And also, most times I don’t feel like being honest, neither in real life, nor in my blog.

Nonetheless, this is my space to document my growth concerning recovery but, most of all, concerning life.

And today I wanna be honest right here. Maybe tomorrow I’ll regret it, maybe not.

I believe nothing is impossible, I believe I can get whatever I set my mind to, I believe I can live a happy and dreamy life even without knowing the how’s. I know I am fortunate and EXTREMELY lucky and I also know that is why I tend to “let things flow” instead of planning ahead and challenging myself with discipline. In order to live (an even more) fulfilling life, I shall plan and actually achieve! Reading inspiring stuff helps me but it doesn’t actually take me where I know I can go. I believe we are surrounded by abundance. I realize that by only looking at my friends and family, by having a fridge filled with food, by having a cellphone, by writing this blog!

And while I try to write good posts, I am also trying to figure out who Erika is and what she truly likes and wants. One day I’m a good friend, another day I’m not. One moment I’m kind to myself, the next one I can be harsh.

So, there it is, a little bit of honesty I had missed from my blog. I wanna inspire you, reader but I am more interested in inspiring and proving myself that I can be whatever I wanna be. I must be the proof of my beliefs. My beliefs are valuable and they can become a reality if I act upon them. So far, my beliefs have been limiting and tending to the negative side so I have proven how powerful those have been. But even with that, I still have so many positive stuff going on, so much joy and happiness!! So, by knowing that the sky is the limit and that anything I dream I can achieve, I can act differently.

I catch myself feeling down due to whatever I feel I don’t have. But I choose to stay down than to try doing something different, walking a different path.

I think I want change to be perfect, and by expecting perfection I only end up beating myself up at any stumble. But stumbles make me stronger and dreamy lives are built, they don’t appear magically.

So, this is me, this is my crazy beautiful rant.

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Beauty

And here are some inspiring photos I’ve been collecting.

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Wisdom

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To my bucket list. I plan on replicating this photo.

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Oh my cuteness

Honesty and kindness

DESCRIBE CURRENT ERIKA.

Dreamer.

Believer.

Positive Thinker.

Unemployed.

Sedentary.

Consuming up to 4548 calories per day.

Taking her relationship with food one meal at a time.

Sleeps in late.

Stays in her pijamas too much time.

Has plans but doesn’t do them.

Has ideas but doesn’t put them into practice.

Journals but not as much as she would like.

Reads but not as much as she would like.

Spends way too much time on Facebook.

Takes things lightly and leaves them to chance.

Hasn’t manifested as much as she would like.

Doesn’t meditate or quiet her mind.

Doesn’t do yoga.

Stays stuck.

Scared shitless.

Stuck in comfort zone.

Wasting 70% of her time.

Being inspired every day but not doing anything to inspire herself.

Happier than before (much happier).

Aware of how great she can be, but not so sure how to get there.

Still stuck in many nasty habits.

Procrastinates.

Believes in herself more each every day.

Thinks has a lot of time left to figure herself out.

Thinks time is still running and hasn’t achieved much.

Still compares herself to others.

Still judges.

Is TERRIFIED by the mere thought of wearing a bikini.

But accepts her body more than any time before.

Is learning to listen to her intuition.

Hasn’t traveled much.

DESCRIBE ERIKA A YEAR FROM TODAY. 

Achiever.

Believer.

Positive Thinker.

Happily employed.

Active pole dancer, runner and yoga student. 

Doesn’t have to count her calories. She eats calmly and enjoyably. 

Takes the time to do things and is in control of the outcomes of her life. 

Believes in herself.

Keeps her word. 

Knows how to set boundaries. 

Respects herself. 

Doesn’t care about other people’s opinion. 

Taking her relationship with food one day at a time. 

Sleeps in early.

Stays in her pijamas only on occasional lazy Sundays. 

Has plans and follows them.

Has ideas and puts them into practice. 

Journals every night. 

Is an avid reader. 

Barely opens her Facebook.

Manifests her ideas and thoughts. 

Meditates and practices quieting the mind. 

Does yoga. 

Is constantly moving. 

Still feels fear but it doesn’t paralyse her. 

Doesn’t allow herself to fall in her comfort zone. 

Is efficient 80% of the time.

Is inspired every day but most importantly, she inspires herself. 

Happier than before (much more happier). 

Is aware of how great she can be, and knows now how to get there.

Has developed positive habits. 

Is disciplined. 

Believes in herself more each every day.

Thinks has a lot of time left to figure herself out. 

Thinks time is running and keeps achieving much. 

Compares herself to others occasionally. 

Judges less each time. 

Is in her ideal weight. 

Accepts and loves her body more than any time before. 

Wears a bikini confidently. 

Loves and respects herself. 

Practices kindness toward herself every single day. 

Listens to her intuition. 

Yes, beautiful. This is a start. I’m on the right path. Finally. Screen Shot 2012-12-13 at 12.12.40 AM

Flowing

Oh today!

Today I woke up at 6am and returned to my family club where I did a 1 hr spinning class and an aerobics one afterwards. My return was pretty intense haha, I even felt a little dizzy afterwards! But I enjoyed having finished my workout at 9 am. My mom had to wake me up, I admit it, but the important thing is that I did it and it felt great. I stopped attending those classes because they don’t fulfill me 100% but neither did a lot of other classes, so I have to stop with the excuses and get shit done!!

I’ve been hanging out a lot with a new friend whose energy is entirely different than any of my strong-character kind of friends. She is very similar to me in many ways: we’re both adaptable, kind, funny, distracted and overall nice haha. I have many different friends and social groups, but whenever I try to mix them, it ends up being a disaster. The main problem is that most of them belong to different groups because their strong personalities and character make it impossible to mesh well together. This new acquired friend appeared in my life recently and I don’t think it was a coincidence, I know it is a reflection of how I’m feeling and the self-love I am breeding. She is also helping me realize many things because she listens to me and gives me advice. She is contributing immensely to my self-growth. I wanted to mention her because she’s become so close to me to the point we call each other “twins”. She is 3 years younger than me but appears to be 17 haha. I think she is the first close friend I connected with without sharing weight problems or without pretending to be anything other than me, our relationship flows harmoniously. She is naturally skinny and eats like crazy. But being around her doesn’t make me feel fat or inferior, not even when we go to nightclubs together and she gets hit on constantly. I think that fact also speaks positively about my new built self confidence. Here’s a picture of both of us at a party in her house. We’re the best looking twins ever 😉

On another subject, I have been extremely sensitive with one of my partners who uses “light bullying” to make fun of others, or make people laugh. He is definitely walking evidence of how the way you feel inside reflects how you treat other people. It seems I have been attracting not many positive people into my life, the good thing is that I’m becoming aware and that by changing the relationship towards myself, I’ll be attracting more positive and blissful people. They say that people around us are like mirrors, and I strongly believe there’s a little bit of me in each close friend/partner/family member. And, there’s a lesson I have to learn from each one of them. I think I’m getting there.

I’ll wrap this post up with an amazing quote from my lovely book “Meditations from the mat”.

HE THAT WILL NOT APPLY NEW REMEDIES MUST EXPECT NEW EVILS; FOR TIME IS THE GREATEST INNOVATOR.- Sir Francis Bacon

I love this quote, I admire impeccable style, I wish I were a remarkable designer, I aspire to look amazing in a black bikini, I hope I could love myself every day in the process of becoming what I know I can be.

                     Today was not a good day, sometimes I don’t understand why I immerse into negative habits and thoughts. My predominant thoughts today were those of a person who does not want to look in the mirror, go out or do anything whatsoever… I hate feeling that way and get scared of those thoughts that take over my mind. They paralyze me, they tell me to lay in bed and hide, to eat that apple pie, chocolate bar, deep fried chicken, to ignore the alarm clock and sleep, that as long as I’m not obese I can give into my cravings, that I don’t need to exercise. Reading this makes me realize how irresponsible and immature it sounds to blame my behavior on “a voice”, but when I let myself listen to it, I struggle to silence it. The only way to make that voice talk nicely to me is by doing what has to be done without thinking too much about it. Today I stopped myself from having TWO binges, TWO! What I’m doing to avoid them is staying out of the kitchen and entertaining in something other than food.

We celebrated our 1 year anniversary in our Design Firm and I’m proud of it but this little company we created a year ago has got me wondering still… I have many things to figure out yet job wise. We went to eat to a fancy restaurant, got a little drunk and ate deliciously, but there is a little voice that tells me I won’t last long doing this… I haven’t figured out if it’s the positive or negative one that’s been talking to me.

It’s 3am and I’m still awake, so I have to wrap this post up. I am finding writing to be extremely therapeutic and empowering at the same time. Thanks a lot for tuning in, dear reader, you contribute enormously to the empowering part. I hope I inspire as much as you inspire me.

Lots of love from: Erika.

xoxo