I’m in a relationship with myself

And, as Beyoncé says, it’s the most important one, any other relationship is a bonus.

I am choosing to enjoy, nurture and love myself. I’m willing to be my own best friend. I’m willing to build trust in myself by not breaking the promises I make to myself, by standing my ground and by acting out of love.

I went on a roadtrip this weekend and woke up each morning being grateful for the trip, for the food, for the weather and I started showering affirming how wonderful my entire being is. I wanna develop radical self-love, I wanna show the world how to treat me, and only by loving and RESPECTING myself will I be able to receive that. I’m practicing celebrating every good thing that shows up.

I’m also acknowledging 7 things I’m proud of each day, after forgiving myself for other 7 things. Self-compassion must become a habit.

I’m sharing these pictures because before my friend took them, I was tearing myself apart thinking how these pants don’t look good on me, and how I was not comfortable. After I saw the pictures, I surprisingly liked them but still managed to criticise my hips and whatnot.

Radical self love in the making:

 

Venting time

These past couple of days have felt like Deja vu.

I am back at where I started. I am 28 now. I am unhappily employed. I compare myself to other people and their jobs. I’m a pro at evading. I’m 24 again.

What did my 24 year old self did that got me right back here? She planned and promised but failed to develop either discipline or commitment. She moved from one comfort zone to another. She kept it quiet, not wanting to disturb. She pleased people. She kept herself down by not acknowledging her abilities. She was afraid to shine. She avoided listening to her gut (even though it was screaming out loud).

What is my gut saying right now?

Don’t quit French lessons, you’re doing amazing and it has a purpose, I promise. Keep writing on your blog. Honour yourself by keeping your promises. Develop discipline. Work hard(er). Flee the country.

What would I say to my 24 year old self?

You will travel as much as you wish to (Missouri, NY, Chicago, Paris, London, and multiple times to the beach). The trips will exceed your expectations: reality does beat imagination. You’ll be very happy and unhappy because such is life (but happiness rules most of your life). You’ll learn French and succeed at it. You’ll get closer to real friends and discard the phony ones. You’ll lose 10 pounds in 5 months. You’ll enjoy taking care of yourself. You’ll binge on chocolates… and laughter and love. You’ll face rejection and write about it, and that will help you learn, hence grow. Love, your future, awesome self. “

 

 

 

 

Why I am grateful

You know what, diary? I just binged. I ate a mini brownie, a bolillo, 1/4 of avocado, and lots of Ritz cookies.

But a binge doesn’t define my day.

Waking up at 6 am to exercise does. Waking up with a smile on my face does define my day because there was a time, not long ago when I used to wake up not wanting to live, not wanting to get out of bed or even go outside. I keep remembering how horrifying and awful that was.

So now, I am grateful for every single day I wake up healthy, happy and looking forward for the day ahead of me.

I am no longer trying to analyse my binges, even though I wish they wouldn’t happen anymore. I am not wasting any more time overanalysing the negative aspects of my day. Because doing so brings more of the same.

Thanking God every single day for waking up.

Being grateful for having health.

Showing gratitude for my job by being of service.

Loving those around me more than I can imagine.

Meditating every single night

Having discipline.

Working hard.

Those things I can focus on and overanalyse. That way, I can keep growing. That way I can keep living.

“You’re perfect”

The best things in life are unplanned

This is us at the Standard Hotel Rooftop bar. This is the place where Beyoncé partied after the Met Gala. If I would have known this fact before I went in, I would have kissed the floor she once set foot on. 20140710_193203The best things in life are unplanned. We had planned to go to “Le Bain” at the Standard Hotel but it was closed for a private event. They sent us to the “Boom Boom Room” instead. We knew we were dressed down but went to take a look at it and maybe spot a celebrity or take a picture of the place. I mean, this is a bar where Miranda Kerr takes casual drinks at. 69a07e34377e469ccce1ab31d90d3705boom-boom-roomWe take a peek in awe and right when we were turning around to leave, the hostess tells us: “Actually you guys are perfect, the rule here are no sneakers or shorts, you can go in if you want to”. Inadequate would be an understatement to say how I felt when I walked in. People were wearing Manolos, Gucci dresses, perfect hair, and bags that probably cost more than my cellphone bill in a year. We went to the rooftop and there were no tables available but I wanted to take a look at the view and take a picture there. We took pictures, admired the view and right when we were about to leave, a woman who overheard that we were looking for a table approached us and told us that the 3 girls sitting next to her were about to leave. The woman was sitting at one of the best tables in the Rooftop:roomWe sat at the table and ordered a bottle of wine to enjoy the breathtaking beauty of NYC and confirmed that the best things in life happen unplanned and unexpected.

And yes dammit, we are perfect.

Picture taken by me :)

Picture taken by me :). Isn’t this magical?

Focusing on the good, rather than on the bad.

Ok, so this weekend I allowed myself to wallow again. I felt especially bad because I am single. I went to a (very boring) bachelorette party and chose to let some insensitive comments get under my skin. I also happened to be surrounded by women who are either married, engaged or waiting to get engaged. So, obviously the subjects on the table were weddings, babies, honeymoons and husbands. I believe I am surrounded by friends who focus a little bit too much on having a partner or not. I am not surrounded by dream-achievers, disciplined, inspiring people… yet I allow these other people to influence me and make me feel lousily. 

Why, Erika, why? 

Because I focus on the wrong things. Being single is my current state. Single is my reality. My single-ness is a blessing and I am viewing it (and always have) as a flaw.

I am pursuing a relationship so much because I believe it will bring me happiness.

But only I can bring myself happiness. A relationship won’t change my current state, it will only enhance the love I am creating within. 

This post is to remind myself of the blessing it is to be single and ditch the limiting beliefs of society or the people around me who think someone is only happy with a partner by his/her side. 

Only I can make myself happy. And I am choosing to be happy right now. 

Thank you. (Yes, you, goodlookin’ reader)

Hello, everybody. This is me, Erika.

A year ago I was a mess, a total and complete mess. I didn’t like my body, my job or myself… but I did nothing to change it, I just chose to be depressed. I thought depression was out of my control but actually, it was a choice. I chose not to be happy because I thought I needed many things to accomplish fulfilment or happiness. 

A year ago I was different but throughout it I chose to work with the tools I found through this blog, through all the wonderful people I read and the amazing ones who read me who I get to call friends. You know who you are ;).

I started this blog to be inspired and never imagined I would receive comments from people saying how I inspired them. You have been the ones who keep me going. Everytime I was down and wrote about it, one comment from an amazing person behind his/her computer would make me know I was not alone. I am not alone and I know it because of you. 

I wanna tell you that you are an extremely important factor in my recovery and I love you for that.

A year ago I didn’t have a blog family. Today, I do. 

Love, me. Image 

PS: Keep writing in your wonderful blogs. Even though I’ve been absent from mine, I’ve kept reading yours. 

 

Happiness

This video moved me to the point of tears. I’ve been pretty teary-eyed lately. In a goood way. I’ve been happy, happy, happy.

I feel like sharing my happiness. I realised I used to only write when I wanted to vent and it works amazingly well but this time I’ll vent my joy.

I turned 26 on September the 18th and had an absolutely amazing time. I celebrated for about 3 weeks! I am finally enjoying celebrating my birthday without worrying too much about who will show up and who won’t. I am falling in love with myself enough to realise that whoever wants to be there, will be there. The day of my birthday I worked like crazy and enjoyed it cause I happen to LOVE my job. I didn’t think I’d come to this, to being so happy with myself.

Writing every single night on my gratitude journal has been the best decision I’ve ever made. I get to document all the things that make my life bright and they just keep piling up. I started writing 5 sentences per night. Now my list goes on for 2 or 3 pages each night. It is very true that when you Appreciate what you have you end up having more. 

Life is really good. And I say that while I rest my swollen, injured foot because of a sprain I had on Sunday night. I say that while I’m still happily single. I say that without having lost all the weight I would like to. I say that without having a perfect existence. But I am happy because I love happiness and she loves me back.

I’m allowing  happiness to become a part of me because as Beyoncé says, life is but a dream. And we are all living miracles. 

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Healthy (yes, healthy) dessert cooked by my dear blondie.

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My gorgeous-looking gratitude journal

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Dinner cooked by yet another friend who also happened to buy White Wine… and Champagne, and sparkling wine.

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Me and my “twinny” (a dear friend whose birthday happens to be on the exact same date as mine)

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My best friend and I looking dapper on a friend’s wedding

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A childhood friend and I having fun at the music festival where I sprained my foot at.

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My first birthday cake and the most special one cooked by my mom and adorned by my lil’ sis.

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2 friends and I. I love the candidness of this picture, it’s just perfect.


Gratitude narrowed into a post

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I am so grateful, it ought to be contagious.

I have a job now! Remember how I was complaining about not having money and a job and whatnot? Well, that attitude didn’t do any good to my situation, it only worsened it. I started to thank in advance for a great job and chose to be happy (jobless) instead of waiting to land a job in order to be and guess what? It worked cause now I have a job (!!!!) and even though today was my second day, I am L O V I N G it like crazy. I like what I’m doing, I like my coworkers and I am just amazed of how good life can be if I let it. Life loves me back now that I’ve chosen to love it.

This isn’t a post to brag, this is a post to thank.

I am grateful for my new, harmonious job.

I am grateful for having friends who worry and care for me.

I am grateful for having a great gym to go to.

I am grateful for making smart choices at eating.

I am grateful for being me and loving me.

Life is truly wonderful if you allow it to, friends. I love you for reading me and am grateful for you too (you beautiful thing, you).

Sending infinite love!!!

How I turn small obstacles into climbing walls

I expect things to be perfect.

With expectation comes doom.

I don’t deal well with failure, I paralise with it. Instead of searching for solutions, I sink very deep into it. I fill my mind with reasons why I should stay stuck and stuck I stay. From all of this comes paranoia concerning what others will think of me, how they will judge me. I always imagine I will get harshly judged but I am always my worst critique.

This is a small analysis of self. In order to solve a problem I have to identify it.

I have also realised that by letting things go and choosing not to judge myself so horribly, they flow. In order for life to flow harmoniously, there has to be a balance between the good and the bad (the love and the opposite of it).

In order for me to grow I will fall, I will step outside of my beloved comfort zone and create a new one that will eventually be left behind.

But most importantly, the growth has to happen without me being my worst judge.

I must remember to love myself and learn.

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Was having a bad day until…

…the universe showed me reasons to smile. 

Just when I needed to, this quote popped in my newsfeed, a happy client called to show gratitude, and Spotify made a hell of a job playing my favorite songs ever. 

I choose to trust, I choose love, I choose abundance. Because yes, how we live life is a choice. 

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A year in recovery

Today WordPress announced my blog is 1 year old. That means I have not barfed and have been working on my beautiful self for a WHOLE YEAR. I still have a long way to go, I thought this recovery thing was easy but it’s not. It isn’t as hard as I would have thought either but it does require constant work and effort. I couldn’t have done any progress without this blog and all the otherworldly help I’ve received. I thank you all who read me, give me feedback and those who also write beautifully, thank you, too. Your blogs inspire me on a daily basis, so do your lives. I hope I can keep inspiring myself and others along the way with my little writing space.

I am extremely proud of myself and I wanted to share it with whoever is reading. Thank you, thank you, thank youuuu!

My promises to myself are to keep working harder in everything I do, and to love myself along the way (ups and downs included).

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