But I know how to turn my mood around

Yesterday I came home and was sad, frustrated, done with life and the world. I hated my job, my life, my situation, etc. I was having the biggest pity party, and no one was invited.

I opened my computer and ran into old Design work I had done, old videos, old pictures. I realized I don’t give myself enough credit, I have made a sport out of it. I am a good designer, I am a good eating disorder battler, I am a good warrior. My obsession with perfection and my expectations are what keep me blindfolded.

I blindfold myself from the progress, my achievements and my current situation. Maybe I wanted to have EVERYTHING figured out by the time I turned a certain age. But I have reached a certain age and I don’t have it all figured out (nor have I the husband, the house and the perfect job). And that’s ok because life is about figuring things out, about getting better, stronger, wiser and smarter. Life is a learning journey. I still have a lot to change, and a long distance to walk but with all I have done I’ve paved the way to move faster in some areas. The difficult ones are those lessons I have yet to learn.

But Erika, come back here whenever you feel like you’ve run out of hope. Keep dancing, keep laughing and keep creating because that is your essence, not bingeing or feeling down.

I love you, and me, and you.

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Why I am grateful

You know what, diary? I just binged. I ate a mini brownie, a bolillo, 1/4 of avocado, and lots of Ritz cookies.

But a binge doesn’t define my day.

Waking up at 6 am to exercise does. Waking up with a smile on my face does define my day because there was a time, not long ago when I used to wake up not wanting to live, not wanting to get out of bed or even go outside. I keep remembering how horrifying and awful that was.

So now, I am grateful for every single day I wake up healthy, happy and looking forward for the day ahead of me.

I am no longer trying to analyse my binges, even though I wish they wouldn’t happen anymore. I am not wasting any more time overanalysing the negative aspects of my day. Because doing so brings more of the same.

Thanking God every single day for waking up.

Being grateful for having health.

Showing gratitude for my job by being of service.

Loving those around me more than I can imagine.

Meditating every single night

Having discipline.

Working hard.

Those things I can focus on and overanalyse. That way, I can keep growing. That way I can keep living.

The going to the beach post

I remember how I would fantasize about going on a trip to the beach with my younger cousins donning a bikini to show off my enviable physique. In my head I thought being fit and hot would make my cousins like and accept me. I would not picture anything else but them being amazed by my looks. Well, that trip just happened and even though I don’t look like I did on my mind, I do feel like it. You see, it was a wise person who told me that true self confidence starts from the inside out, not the other way around. And boy was she right.

I made smart, loving decisions on this trip. I decided not to let my insecurities keep me from enjoying myself. Yes, I have cellulite but that didn’t impede me from walking on the beach without a beach wrap. I chose to clumsily paddle-board instead of witnessing how others did it from afar. These decisions were so liberating for me, so groundbreaking! I remember going to the beach and hiding myself under the water, or not going in the water at all dreading the walk from the sand to where the sea covered my imperfect body. I embrace those imperfections now, I love them. How cool it would have been for me to realise this sooner! I would have not avoided trips and experiences like I did before recovery.

In this trip I realised how much more important it is to be a free, fun, loving person than having a “hot” body ever will be. I was visualizing the wrong picture before. I didn’t visualize the laughter, the talks, the fun games, the cool places, the dancing, the singing, the bonding, the L I V I N G.

I finally understand how much time is wasted focusing on stupid insecurities rather than on living in the moment.

Today I am grateful for recovery because I am getting to know and accept the real me and she is pretty damn awesome 😉

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Liebster Award

liebster21

The lovely Colleen from Sprinkles and Skirts nominated me and brought me back to blogging :).

The Liebster award is an award given out to meet new bloggers and identify your favorite ones.

After receiving the award you must:

1) Post the award on your blog.

2) Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.

3) Write 11 random facts about yourself.

4) Nominate any number of bloggers you think deserve this award. If possible, they should have less than 200 followers.

5) Answer the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you, and ask 11 questions to the people you nominate in your post. 

I nominate these amazing blogs:

Message in a bottle 

Joyful Cacophony

The Roaming Lama

Lose da Booze

Morning Tear

Work of your hands 

Weightloss Counter Revolution

Sprinkles and Skirts

Cauldrons and Cupcakes

Lifeyum

Sober Identity

Questions for my beautiful nominees:

What 3 items would you take if you went to a desert island?

What do you like most about life?

What makes you happy?

What is your passion?

What is it that you do every day to keep you joyful?

Why do you blog?

What is your favourite food in the world?

What is your biggest dream in life?

What book are you currently reading?

Who is your role model and why?

Favourite movie of all time?

Eleven random facts about me: 

1. I am a very good and happy Graphic Designer (not a web designer, evidently)

2. I have learned to love myself through this blog (I’m still learning)

3. My family is the most important thing in my life

4. Chocolate is the second most important thing in my life 

5. I am a sucker for anything that has “vegan”, “gluten free”, “organic” attached to any food title because it removes any feelings of guilt in my head

6. Dancing is part of my essence

7. I have an obsession with living abroad

8. Through this blog I have developed meaningful friendships (and hopefully long-lasting ones)

9. I have come to enjoy weightlifting thanks to several accounts I follow on Instagram of kick ass women

10. I think Beyoncé is the epitome of perfection in a human being 

11. I LOVE meeting new people and keeping them around 

Answers to questions asked by Colleen:

1. What is your favorite piece of clothing that you own and why? A blue blazer from Banana Republic cause it’s both pretty and cozy.

2. What is your achilles heel? Chocolate.

3. What is your biggest pet peeve? Visible tumors, or weird skin rashes.

4. Tropical beach or European city vacation? Tropical beach in winter, European city on summer.

5. What are you self-conscious about? My legs.

6. What inspires you? Blogs, beautiful movies, over achievers, Ted Talks, kind people, animals. 

7. Would you call yourself an introvert or an extrovert and why? An extrovert. I’ve been told I don’t have word-filter.

8. Cat person or dog person and why? Dog person ❤ <3. I’ve always been around dogs.

9. If you could interview anyone from history or today who would it be and why? Mindy Kaling because I admire her entirely.

10. What are you most proud of in your life? Recovering from bulimia.

11. What is your favorite thing to cook/bake? Tuna, basil, onions and tomato cous cous.

If you reached this part of the post, I congratulate you and leave you with a big kiss :* !!!

Thank you. (Yes, you, goodlookin’ reader)

Hello, everybody. This is me, Erika.

A year ago I was a mess, a total and complete mess. I didn’t like my body, my job or myself… but I did nothing to change it, I just chose to be depressed. I thought depression was out of my control but actually, it was a choice. I chose not to be happy because I thought I needed many things to accomplish fulfilment or happiness. 

A year ago I was different but throughout it I chose to work with the tools I found through this blog, through all the wonderful people I read and the amazing ones who read me who I get to call friends. You know who you are ;).

I started this blog to be inspired and never imagined I would receive comments from people saying how I inspired them. You have been the ones who keep me going. Everytime I was down and wrote about it, one comment from an amazing person behind his/her computer would make me know I was not alone. I am not alone and I know it because of you. 

I wanna tell you that you are an extremely important factor in my recovery and I love you for that.

A year ago I didn’t have a blog family. Today, I do. 

Love, me. Image 

PS: Keep writing in your wonderful blogs. Even though I’ve been absent from mine, I’ve kept reading yours. 

 

Ok, so since I started this blog I’ve received several awards from my lovely readers and I have to say that I haven’t quite gotten the hang of it:

I don’t understand how much time I have to write a worthy response, how many blogs I have to nominate, how many interesting facts about me I have to mention, which blogs fall under the category of the award, which facts aren’t inappropriate to include, etc.

I also don’t understand where these awards come from. Who initiates them? Who sets the rules? Who creates the look of the award? Why mention 10 bloggers, or 15?

I didn’t expect any of those awards, or any award whatsoever, but the three times I’ve received one, I’ve been pleasantly surprised and very honoured :).

So, considering how much I don’t understand this whole Award-Giving ritual, I decided to create a brand new award without any rules, I’ll only share some random facts about me and show some love to those who I enjoy reading so much and make blogging worthwhile.

Random facts:

1. The only ones who know about this blog are my mom, my brother, my cousin, one very close friend and a friend I met through a friend haha.

2. I am a graphic designer so naturally I created this new blog award.

3. I opened up my own Graphic Design Business over a year ago along with 4 other friends (Only one of them knows about this blog).

4. I doubt every single day if I’m doing what I’m supposed to do in order to be happy.

5. Blogging has turned out to be one of the greatest things that happened to me.

6. My nose has been fake since 2004.

7. I religiously read the following blogs almost every day:

Nicole’s : I’m a sucker for positive and interesting posts and Nicole is an expert on writing a perfect mix between them. I became an even bigger fan of her blog when she created the 30-day Gratitude Challenge.

Cassy’s : This girl is 3 years younger than me and has already gotten married, lost 63 (SIXTY THREE! ) pounds, and become so much wiser than many 30-year olds I’ve known haha. She is drop dead awesome, funny and inspiring, to say the least.

Hélène’s : This blog is one of my dearest. Hélène is a wonderfully kind, caring and loving person who lives surrounded by breathtaking landscapes, the cutest dog ever, cool workouts, and doesn’t mind sharing all of her bliss with us. I am a little biased on recommending her blog because she has become one of my closest blogger friends :).

Lisa’s : Every single one of Lisa’s posts is filled with so much positive energy, it’s unbelievable. Anytime I wanna feel inspired, happy or vibe in a wonderful place, I go to this blog. She leads a happy and fulfilling life and transmits it to anyone who reads her.

Mike’s : This blog will make you laugh your ass off want it or not. Mike’s wit and impeccably crazy writing will turn a seemingly boring day into a very entertaining one. One post of his will get at least one laugh out of even the most bitter person.

Liv’s : This girl makes me feel self-conscious about writing or blogging. Her writing is just perfect, honestly; I have to confess I have even shed a few tears while reading her. Not only is she interesting and smart, she also has a very fine sense of humour. I wouldn’t be surprised if she soon becomes a published author.

Boomie’s : Boomie is an amazingly talented poetry writer whose endless kindness makes you wanna meet and hug her. She finds a way to make poetry out of anything and does a hell of a great job at it.

Anna’s : I am new to her blog but I have become quite fond of it rather quickly. Anna mixes her running expertise, traveling adventures, photography talent and cool personality, all to give us a very enjoyable blog.

Lama’s : This blogger not only showcases his incredible photographic talent but he also includes great anecdotes concerning a place or object in the picture. His marvellous pictures speak for themselves, so you’ll have to check them out for yourselves.

Corinne’s : This blog has been the biggest inspiration to me, I think. Corinne’s blog captivated me when I saw her before-after pictures, they are beyond impressive!!. Witnessing how she achieved that massive weight loss made me SEE how anything is possible with the right mindset. Her bubbly personality is the cherry on top of this fabulous blog.

Clotilda’s : I’m a huuge fan of this blog, mainly because it’s one of the most original and different ones I read. Her writing is really good and her high school stories are both disturbing and entertaining. You must read her to understand what I’m saying (or what she’s saying).

Kim’s : Kim promotes a sugar-free life because of how dangerous it has been proven to be. He is documenting his weight loss by sharing his wisdom with every single post and reply he writes. He never gives advice without a strong argument and he is the reason I’ve been struggling to cut sugar definitely out of my diet without any success…yet.

I read many other blogs, but these are by far my favourite ones and the ones I come back to almost on a daily basis.

Thank you so so much for writing such incredible blogs, and to those who follow mine: thank you for taking the time to read me.