Yesterday I came home and was sad, frustrated, done with life and the world. I hated my job, my life, my situation, etc. I was having the biggest pity party, and no one was invited.
I opened my computer and ran into old Design work I had done, old videos, old pictures. I realized I don’t give myself enough credit, I have made a sport out of it. I am a good designer, I am a good eating disorder battler, I am a good warrior. My obsession with perfection and my expectations are what keep me blindfolded.
I blindfold myself from the progress, my achievements and my current situation. Maybe I wanted to have EVERYTHING figured out by the time I turned a certain age. But I have reached a certain age and I don’t have it all figured out (nor have I the husband, the house and the perfect job). And that’s ok because life is about figuring things out, about getting better, stronger, wiser and smarter. Life is a learning journey. I still have a lot to change, and a long distance to walk but with all I have done I’ve paved the way to move faster in some areas. The difficult ones are those lessons I have yet to learn.
But Erika, come back here whenever you feel like you’ve run out of hope. Keep dancing, keep laughing and keep creating because that is your essence, not bingeing or feeling down.
I love you, and me, and you.
Yesterday I received on my mail the “Meditations from the Mat” book the lovely Lisa from Lifeyum sent me and it totally made my day!!! 😀 To me, this represents incredible abundance!!! Thanks again, Lisa!
(Don’t mind my perfectly manicured cheeto fingers haha).
I went back to the super fancy mall today wearing a different attitude and didn’t feel half as bad as I did last time!!! What a difference a good mind-set makes!
Before going to the mall, me and one of my partners went to a meeting with a Business Incubator Consultant in order to see if we wanna pay a 9-month assessment to make our business successful. This Consultant really gave us a lot to think about. He said that the first step to enter the Incubator, is being sure if the 4 of us partners share the same goals, dreams and vision because the no. 1 reason for a business to fail, is irreconciliable differences between partners. A business and partnership is like a marriage and we have to support each other in
sickness and in health good and bad times, so we have to all sit down and be honest with each other to see what everyones’ interests are. So, I didn’t get married like most of my college and Highschool friends did but I started a business with 3 of my best friends and it’s turning out to be quite similar to a marriage. The first and most important thing in any marriage , is honesty (at least to me) and I haven’t been quite honest to my partners (or to myself) out of fear, so I have to have guts and tell them how I feel to see how we can work things out for the better. This being an adult thing is coming sooner than expected but what’ll define the person I become is how I deal with situations like this. Will I face my fears, or avoid them as I’ve been doing for a while? I gotta start facing what terrifies me in order to grow. I’ll see how that goes.
After my breakdown last week and my scary fatalistic thinking, I decided to make a list of everything that contributes to make me stay stuck in that awful self-loathing energy in order to consciously stop whenever I catch myself doing anything on that list. So, less facebooking, no more slacking, less comparing myself, not stuffing my face with food, no sleeping in late and not wasting time. Instead, more reading, more setting boundaries more exercising, more pleasing myself more food enjoying and more self-love breeding activities.
I’ll leave you with a beautiful and powerful quote:
“For changes to be of any true value, they’ve got to be lasting and consistent.” -Tony Robbins
Thanks for reading 🙂