Is reaching out for a Nutella jar the same thing as reaching out for a bottle of Vodka?

I know opening up a jar of Nutella alone in the dining room is not healthy… neither is adding 3 spoons of sugar to my coffee. Food is still on my mind longer than I would like it to be.

I need loving action and loving discipline to rule my life, not food… or action around food. Currently I’ve been very stressed at work, not sleeping well, not going to the gym, eating out, dining out, so my habits have been all over the place. I do try to fit vegetables in, and tea instead of coffee but I keep sneaking sugar, chocolate, alcohol and coffee more than I would need in order to reach a healthier lifestyle.

But I am trying every single day, and the process isn’t perfect, nor will it ever be.

This post is to remind me that beating myself up about eating more than I need to will not get me anywhere: loving myself will, respecting myself will, being grateful for myself will, celebrating my successes will and TAKING action will.

I wanted to do this post for a while now but was kind of ashamed of showing myself off like this. But, this blog is not only to inspire other people but to inspire myself too.

I am posting pictures of the progress I’ve had throughout a year. I didn’t do any diets nor did I focus on eating less or on counting calories. I simply worked on loving myself more, on exercising regularly and enjoying my food and my body. I got into weightlifting and tried not to miss gym sessions (against my mind’s will, many times).

I didn’t weigh myself or anything, I only focused on my progress pictures. I am inspired by this progress. I hope you are too.

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Will you help me hold myself accountable?

Thanks for reading 🙂

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Oh, there you are!

It had been silent for a while… ok, maybe not silent but very quiet, a week and a half to be exact, and that is a long time, at least to my loud, overly chatty, demanding negative voice. It spoke to me in the morning and said: “Don’t get up, let’s sleep in”, and sleep in I did. At work it also tried to sabotage me, to keep me useless but I chose not to let it take over me and managed to stay productive. I looked in the mirror and it whispered: “you are not pretty” but decided it was not true. It called me lazy and didn’t want me to work out but I worked out anyway. It tried to make me eat more in the afternoon while I was home but I immediately went upstairs to get out of the kitchen. I went downstairs to grab a cup of tea and picked 2 cookies up but only ate one. At night, after the workout I was very hungry and, I chose to have a binge. I hadn’t had one in a long time so why not have it now?.

Thoughts during the binge:

“You are slowing your weight loss process by doing this”

“You are sabotaging yourself yet once again”

“Maybe you like food way too much, maybe being fit isn’t that easy”

“I worked my ass off, I can eat all of this, I’ll just pretend I’m in maintenance”

“Maybe you’re afraid to lose weight or to have a healthy relationship with food”  

“You are only lying to yourself”

“Don’t expect perfection”

And then, I stopped.

This is not a pity post, nor one to victimise myself. This is proof that the negative voice is starting to quiet down. Today I am choosing to forgive myself and have compassion towards me. I listened to it today but its repetitive, hating nature doesn’t go with me.

I am slowly but steadily getting the power back.

This running feeling

This feeling, right now after a good run is indescribable, soothing, pleasurable, energizing, overall amazing. And knowing i wanted to stop at 2k but kept going all the way to 5k makes me feel like the greatest woman alive. I am proud of myself and that makes me love me more. One step at a time.