The going to the beach post

I remember how I would fantasize about going on a trip to the beach with my younger cousins donning a bikini to show off my enviable physique. In my head I thought being fit and hot would make my cousins like and accept me. I would not picture anything else but them being amazed by my looks. Well, that trip just happened and even though I don’t look like I did on my mind, I do feel like it. You see, it was a wise person who told me that true self confidence starts from the inside out, not the other way around. And boy was she right.

I made smart, loving decisions on this trip. I decided not to let my insecurities keep me from enjoying myself. Yes, I have cellulite but that didn’t impede me from walking on the beach without a beach wrap. I chose to clumsily paddle-board instead of witnessing how others did it from afar. These decisions were so liberating for me, so groundbreaking! I remember going to the beach and hiding myself under the water, or not going in the water at all dreading the walk from the sand to where the sea covered my imperfect body. I embrace those imperfections now, I love them. How cool it would have been for me to realise this sooner! I would have not avoided trips and experiences like I did before recovery.

In this trip I realised how much more important it is to be a free, fun, loving person than having a “hot” body ever will be. I was visualizing the wrong picture before. I didn’t visualize the laughter, the talks, the fun games, the cool places, the dancing, the singing, the bonding, the L I V I N G.

I finally understand how much time is wasted focusing on stupid insecurities rather than on living in the moment.

Today I am grateful for recovery because I am getting to know and accept the real me and she is pretty damn awesome 😉

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Celebrating and enjoying

I stopped writing in my gratitude journal and noticed a shift in my thoughts and behaviour. I’ve come to realise that it takes small actions every single day to keep a positive and healthy mind. I stopped being grateful and negativity crept back in. 

I am constantly doubting my power to manifest things into my life and I don’t even know why because evidence has proven that self-doubt to be wrong. 

I am currently happily employed, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my job and I am sure I manifested it.

I was unhappy in my other job and that unhappiness was only bringing more unhappiness. So I shifted my attitude completely: I started being happy for no reason, made gratitude journaling a habit, and pretended I had already found a job I was happy at. All while I applied for jobs and went to interviews. I was even grateful for those jobs I didn’t land. 

Anyways, I wanted to remind myself of that, and let you all know that with the right attitude and action, we can manifest ANYTHING into our lives. 

My older brother just graduated from college and he is an example of perseverance and manifestation. 

I wanted to share happiness with you :).

Wrapping this post up with a lovely picture ofImage the entire family in Rolla, MO. 

Thanks for reading. 

 

 

Friday Night with my lil’ sis

So, I chose to stay in tonight even though I had plans to go clubbing. My intuition told me to do so, I listened and it was the best choice ever. 

I ended up chatting, laughing, listening to music with this beauty that I get to call sister. Our relationship has not always been the best but I decided to choose to be kind and loving to her, and the response has been INCREDIBLE. I’ve only started doing it for a week, which means I’ve just had a quick glimpse of the marvellous relationship we’ll have. 

It is true that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

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Would 10-year old Erika be proud of the current one?

Today I had a not-so-good day: I didn’t wake up to go to my favorite yoga class, I had a not so hot day at work, etc. When I got home I had the intention of going to the gym but then, chocolate amaranth and procrastination got on my way.

I dove into my high school journal and I found pictures of my 14-year old self. I looked so good! I was hot and thin in secondary school, I just didn’t feel like it, I felt inferior and I didn’t enjoy that time in my life. I remember waiting for secondary school to end. “When I get into high school, I will be all I wanna be, I will be free, have a boyfriend, meet new people, have the body of my dreams, etc.” I used to say. And the same thing happened in High school before getting into College, and the same thing happened in College before graduating and getting a job.

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Pretty, hottie, 14 year old me in the middle 🙂

I was always waiting for something to change! And I haven’t gotten rid of that way of thinking yet! I postpone workouts, dancing, learning a new language, traveling, etc… I postpone living, CONSTANTLY!

Oh, that 14 year old me and that 25 year old me, how similar we are.

Anyways, all this analysing forced me to get my ass up and work out. It was hard, I enjoyed running but not all of it, and definitely not all of the weight training, but because of that, I felt so proud of myself. It’s silly, it’s a workout, but it felt like a HUGE deal.

Yesterday we celebrated Children’s day here in Mexico. Reason enough to go through photo albums and question my actions.

I want 10 year old Erika to be proud of who she ends up becoming.

I’m on it, Erika, I’m on it.

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From left to right: My dear, dear granny, my beautiful brother, my cousin, 10 year old ME :), my favorite cousin and my little sis.

What inspires me…

It seems like all I talk about are my binges and setbacks but, to be quite frank (and fair), I lead a very happy life. I also think I am used to enhance and highlight my failures because it keeps me stuck, stuck in my comfort zone and falsely “safe”. I wanna share images and stuff in general that keep me inspired, feed my dreams and make me wanna get out of that mediocre comfort zone.

Beautiful clothes

Beautiful clothes

 

Impeccable design

Impeccable design

Self-love promoting quotes.

Self-love promoting quotes.

Powerful, successful women

Powerful, successful women

My beautiful family

My GORGEOUS family