Liebster Award

liebster21

The lovely Colleen from Sprinkles and Skirts nominated me and brought me back to blogging :).

The Liebster award is an award given out to meet new bloggers and identify your favorite ones.

After receiving the award you must:

1) Post the award on your blog.

2) Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.

3) Write 11 random facts about yourself.

4) Nominate any number of bloggers you think deserve this award. If possible, they should have less than 200 followers.

5) Answer the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you, and ask 11 questions to the people you nominate in your post. 

I nominate these amazing blogs:

Message in a bottle 

Joyful Cacophony

The Roaming Lama

Lose da Booze

Morning Tear

Work of your hands 

Weightloss Counter Revolution

Sprinkles and Skirts

Cauldrons and Cupcakes

Lifeyum

Sober Identity

Questions for my beautiful nominees:

What 3 items would you take if you went to a desert island?

What do you like most about life?

What makes you happy?

What is your passion?

What is it that you do every day to keep you joyful?

Why do you blog?

What is your favourite food in the world?

What is your biggest dream in life?

What book are you currently reading?

Who is your role model and why?

Favourite movie of all time?

Eleven random facts about me: 

1. I am a very good and happy Graphic Designer (not a web designer, evidently)

2. I have learned to love myself through this blog (I’m still learning)

3. My family is the most important thing in my life

4. Chocolate is the second most important thing in my life 

5. I am a sucker for anything that has “vegan”, “gluten free”, “organic” attached to any food title because it removes any feelings of guilt in my head

6. Dancing is part of my essence

7. I have an obsession with living abroad

8. Through this blog I have developed meaningful friendships (and hopefully long-lasting ones)

9. I have come to enjoy weightlifting thanks to several accounts I follow on Instagram of kick ass women

10. I think Beyoncé is the epitome of perfection in a human being 

11. I LOVE meeting new people and keeping them around 

Answers to questions asked by Colleen:

1. What is your favorite piece of clothing that you own and why? A blue blazer from Banana Republic cause it’s both pretty and cozy.

2. What is your achilles heel? Chocolate.

3. What is your biggest pet peeve? Visible tumors, or weird skin rashes.

4. Tropical beach or European city vacation? Tropical beach in winter, European city on summer.

5. What are you self-conscious about? My legs.

6. What inspires you? Blogs, beautiful movies, over achievers, Ted Talks, kind people, animals. 

7. Would you call yourself an introvert or an extrovert and why? An extrovert. I’ve been told I don’t have word-filter.

8. Cat person or dog person and why? Dog person ❤ <3. I’ve always been around dogs.

9. If you could interview anyone from history or today who would it be and why? Mindy Kaling because I admire her entirely.

10. What are you most proud of in your life? Recovering from bulimia.

11. What is your favorite thing to cook/bake? Tuna, basil, onions and tomato cous cous.

If you reached this part of the post, I congratulate you and leave you with a big kiss :* !!!

Advertisements

The dreaded bikini season.

I believe things are exactly the way they are supposed to be.

But…

Sometimes I don’t understand why I was given this body I am in. It’s easier for me to love my body with clothes on. The issue is when they come off. I can hide imperfections with a dress or a high waisted skirt. I cannot hide my cellulite while wearing a bikini.

When a friend used to invite me to Cabo I DREADED the moment I had to go in the pool: everybody would see how unfit I really was, or try to look away in order not to be disgusted. At times, I would stand in front of the floor to ceiling window that led to the pool, lift my sundress up, look at my reflection and cried in silence. I never knew my ass and legs looked like that underneath the sunlight until I did that. I used to do that every single day as if expecting for it (the orange skin) to disappear overnight. It never did.

To this day I keep hallucinating trips that involve beach or a bikini. Even with those posts I write about loving my body, even by having tried to change role models, even by having stopped buying fashion magazines. I still don’t feel good in a bikini.

Tomorrow I leave for Missouri to attend my brother’s graduation ceremony. My brother mentioned something about a river so we have to bring our bathing suits. My brother is an athlete and his girlfriend has a softball scholarship so they don’t worry about bathing suits or bikini seasons. I get to spend most of my day sitting in front of a desk and haven’t exercised in a week and a half because I just got promoted and am still trying to adjust to the new position.

Yes, I got promoted, I have dated a few Tinder guys and all I can write about is my fear of wearing a bikini in public.

Second part of the post:

But, I choose today to enjoy my trip, enjoy the river, swim, dance, laugh and live just the way I look right now. If I keep worrying about stupid things I will never enjoy life fully. These quotes did the trick today. Now I am off to packing my bags and writing on my gratitude journal.

Screen Shot 2014-05-15 at 1.51.15 AM Screen Shot 2014-05-15 at 1.52.10 AMScreen Shot 2014-05-15 at 1.52.10 AMScreen Shot 2014-05-15 at 1.52.29 AMScreen Shot 2014-05-15 at 2.01.07 AMScreen Shot 2014-05-15 at 2.02.34 AMScreen Shot 2014-05-15 at 2.34.30 AMIMG-20130306-WA0000IMG-20140406-WA0008

large

February 4th

A binge, another goddamn binge happened just now.

But, I wasn’t feeling lousy, I wasn’t feeling badly, I just arrived at the kitchen, opened up the refrigerator door and did what I apparently do best: look for food and eat it as if someone was competing with me. When I feel like eating less than healthy snacks my mind tends to say this: “Erika, today you had a very healthy lunch, you ate one small portion of pasta, steamed vegetables and chicken, you did great! Now, you can eat whatever you feel like”. Every single afternoon, I feel like snacking on chocolate… but I feel guilty about it. GUILT is the key word that continues to keep me from recovering. I didn’t find chocolate so I grabbed the peanut butter and ate it with an apple. Eventually, cookies and bananas were involved somewhere along the binge. Instead of dwelling on that nasty, useless feeling, I chose to prepare my meals and snacks for tomorrow, I chose STRUCTURE this time, just what I need in about every area of my life.

Structured eating consists on eating small meals every 3 hours throughout the day. That way I don’t get extremely hungry and stop finding excuses to be wondering around the kitchen. I got that tip from this lovely lady who recovered from Bulimia and created a site dedicated to the ones willing to follow the self-love path.

So, more structure, less guilt for me. And kindness, always and forever, kindness.

Blast from the past

Paul is a friend who lives in France since 2005, right after we graduated High school. We were never that close during school but one day before he left to France I ran into him in a bookstore and we chatted and laughed for hours. After that, every time I saw his green light on the Facebook chat or every time he saw mine, we talked to see how life was going. Thanks to Facebook (and my stalking skills), I got to realize how well age suited him and how much he grew into that nose and shaggy 90’s hair haha. Last week he mentioned he was coming to Mexico and wanted to see me.

Cutie Paul

Today we met at a mall and I immediately spotted his 1.83cm muscle bundled frame, his cute smile and tiny eyes. We sat down in a quiet place to talk and he told me how everyone he had met since he arrived hasn’t changed a bit physically. I asked him how he saw me and didn’t answer, he just nodded. That’s when I said : “I know I gained a lot of weight since you last saw me“. He relievingly replied : “I was not going to say anything but for your own good, yes you have! What happened? You looked just perfect the last time I saw you!“. I had received similar comments before and got extremely sad, depressed and frustrated. BUT, this time I’m deciding to take it as a wake up call to consciously use the tools I have gathered during this recovery. I tend to forget this process takes effort and work day in and day out.

It is not easy, it can’t be taken lightly and today, having met this blast from the past, reminds me I must live in the moment and act NOW, not tomorrow, not yesterday reminiscing about the past, but taking action every present moment.

I wanna end this post with a great quote from one of my favorite books: Peaceful Warrior.

” WHERE ARE YOU? Here

WHAT TIME IS IT? NOW

WHAT ARE YOU? This moment”

 

Notice my fat roll? I am deciding I don’t like it and I am getting rid of it TODAY.

This picture makes so much sense now.

 

Diary of an emotional eater.

A woman who happens to be mother of one of my best friends and former high school teacher tells me how amazing my brother used to be as a student and how opposite I turned out to be. Stupid woman. Stupid me who listens to her and feels badly over it for hours. Next step: arriving home to binge.

I binge on nutella, strawberries and veggie pie. I toss into the mix 5 or 6 salty cookies.

I go to bed and dream about the box of Alfajores my sister has hidden in her drawer.

Breakfast:

1 philadelphia cheese spread bagel, 5 nutella-covered strawberries, a small piece of veggie cake.

Lunch:

I went to eat with the partners to a place where they sell Thai, Japanese and Indian food to celebrate a birthday. We shared: Crispy shrimp croquettes, shrimp noodles, vietnamese rolls, steamed rice with green curry, teriyaki chicken, teriyaki pork, steamed rice with salmon and veggies, green tea cake, banana rolls, crepes, lychee ice cream and green tea.

We ate a lot so I felt extremely guilty and obsessed over the fact that I was going to come back home to an empty kitchen and a very saddened Erika. I kept telling myself how lonely I am, how sad my life is and how much I wanted to eat everything I could find. I got home and my sister was in her room with one of her hot, blonde and skinny friends getting ready to go out. I wanted to be alone, I wasn’t counting on them being there. I always thought I would be an example to follow to my sister, that she and her friends would look up to me and aspire to be like me when they grew up. In reality, I feel like hiding when her friends are around, I feel like the overweight, single, mediocre big sister whose life isn’t half as  fabulous as it should be.

After-lunch binge:

Nutella-covered strawberries, countless dark chocolate sprinkles, 3 salty cookies.

How I feel right now: Like a total and complete failure. I don’t know if I’ll ever be thin again in my life. The worst part is, I love food way too freaking much.