Venting time

These past couple of days have felt like Deja vu.

I am back at where I started. I am 28 now. I am unhappily employed. I compare myself to other people and their jobs. I’m a pro at evading. I’m 24 again.

What did my 24 year old self did that got me right back here? She planned and promised but failed to develop either discipline or commitment. She moved from one comfort zone to another. She kept it quiet, not wanting to disturb. She pleased people. She kept herself down by not acknowledging her abilities. She was afraid to shine. She avoided listening to her gut (even though it was screaming out loud).

What is my gut saying right now?

Don’t quit French lessons, you’re doing amazing and it has a purpose, I promise. Keep writing on your blog. Honour yourself by keeping your promises. Develop discipline. Work hard(er). Flee the country.

What would I say to my 24 year old self?

You will travel as much as you wish to (Missouri, NY, Chicago, Paris, London, and multiple times to the beach). The trips will exceed your expectations: reality does beat imagination. You’ll be very happy and unhappy because such is life (but happiness rules most of your life). You’ll learn French and succeed at it. You’ll get closer to real friends and discard the phony ones. You’ll lose 10 pounds in 5 months. You’ll enjoy taking care of yourself. You’ll binge on chocolates… and laughter and love. You’ll face rejection and write about it, and that will help you learn, hence grow. Love, your future, awesome self. “

 

 

 

 

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Stuck to say the least

I’m in a job where I like what I do… most days. Some days I don’t feel like I’m growing or going anywhere and even though I wouldn’t have studied something other than Graphic Design, I sometimes wonder:

Why can’t I earn more money?

Why can’t I be independent?

Why can’t I be at my ideal, healthy weight?

Why can’t I have better exercise habits?

Why can’t I be braver to quit my job and find something that fulfills me?

Why can’t I be more talented, more beautiful, more centered and smart?

The answers to these questions are unknown. I hope I’m not just a mediocre human being who will always be mediocre in every aspect of my life.

 

Celebrating and enjoying

I stopped writing in my gratitude journal and noticed a shift in my thoughts and behaviour. I’ve come to realise that it takes small actions every single day to keep a positive and healthy mind. I stopped being grateful and negativity crept back in. 

I am constantly doubting my power to manifest things into my life and I don’t even know why because evidence has proven that self-doubt to be wrong. 

I am currently happily employed, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my job and I am sure I manifested it.

I was unhappy in my other job and that unhappiness was only bringing more unhappiness. So I shifted my attitude completely: I started being happy for no reason, made gratitude journaling a habit, and pretended I had already found a job I was happy at. All while I applied for jobs and went to interviews. I was even grateful for those jobs I didn’t land. 

Anyways, I wanted to remind myself of that, and let you all know that with the right attitude and action, we can manifest ANYTHING into our lives. 

My older brother just graduated from college and he is an example of perseverance and manifestation. 

I wanted to share happiness with you :).

Wrapping this post up with a lovely picture ofImage the entire family in Rolla, MO. 

Thanks for reading. 

 

 

Happiness

This video moved me to the point of tears. I’ve been pretty teary-eyed lately. In a goood way. I’ve been happy, happy, happy.

I feel like sharing my happiness. I realised I used to only write when I wanted to vent and it works amazingly well but this time I’ll vent my joy.

I turned 26 on September the 18th and had an absolutely amazing time. I celebrated for about 3 weeks! I am finally enjoying celebrating my birthday without worrying too much about who will show up and who won’t. I am falling in love with myself enough to realise that whoever wants to be there, will be there. The day of my birthday I worked like crazy and enjoyed it cause I happen to LOVE my job. I didn’t think I’d come to this, to being so happy with myself.

Writing every single night on my gratitude journal has been the best decision I’ve ever made. I get to document all the things that make my life bright and they just keep piling up. I started writing 5 sentences per night. Now my list goes on for 2 or 3 pages each night. It is very true that when you Appreciate what you have you end up having more. 

Life is really good. And I say that while I rest my swollen, injured foot because of a sprain I had on Sunday night. I say that while I’m still happily single. I say that without having lost all the weight I would like to. I say that without having a perfect existence. But I am happy because I love happiness and she loves me back.

I’m allowing  happiness to become a part of me because as Beyoncé says, life is but a dream. And we are all living miracles. 

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Healthy (yes, healthy) dessert cooked by my dear blondie.

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My gorgeous-looking gratitude journal

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Dinner cooked by yet another friend who also happened to buy White Wine… and Champagne, and sparkling wine.

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Me and my “twinny” (a dear friend whose birthday happens to be on the exact same date as mine)

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My best friend and I looking dapper on a friend’s wedding

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A childhood friend and I having fun at the music festival where I sprained my foot at.

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My first birthday cake and the most special one cooked by my mom and adorned by my lil’ sis.

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2 friends and I. I love the candidness of this picture, it’s just perfect.


Gratitude narrowed into a post

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I am so grateful, it ought to be contagious.

I have a job now! Remember how I was complaining about not having money and a job and whatnot? Well, that attitude didn’t do any good to my situation, it only worsened it. I started to thank in advance for a great job and chose to be happy (jobless) instead of waiting to land a job in order to be and guess what? It worked cause now I have a job (!!!!) and even though today was my second day, I am L O V I N G it like crazy. I like what I’m doing, I like my coworkers and I am just amazed of how good life can be if I let it. Life loves me back now that I’ve chosen to love it.

This isn’t a post to brag, this is a post to thank.

I am grateful for my new, harmonious job.

I am grateful for having friends who worry and care for me.

I am grateful for having a great gym to go to.

I am grateful for making smart choices at eating.

I am grateful for being me and loving me.

Life is truly wonderful if you allow it to, friends. I love you for reading me and am grateful for you too (you beautiful thing, you).

Sending infinite love!!!

Thank you

I am grateful for the cozy, warm, huge and amazing house I live in because I often take it for granted and it is just breathtakingly beautiful.

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I am grateful for having taught a very nice woman today how to use her Mac more efficiently, and getting paid for providing that service. It may have appeared to be insignificant but it felt infinitely amazing.

I am grateful for my readers who light my day up with their comments, with their own posts and our connection. You shed amazing energy into my life in ways you can’t imagine.

I am grateful for having the best mom I could have ever asked for. She teaches me how to be a better person every single day.

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3 Blessings

I am grateful for being able to consciously stop a binge, because it shows how much I’ve grown throughout this recovery.

I am grateful for my body because, you know what? it’s pre-tty amazing, healthy, functional, and aesthetic. And mainly, this body walks, runs, does weight training, dances and tries every single day to be stronger than the day before.

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I am grateful for remembering to be happy for no reason. Because, as Deepak Chopra said:

“Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you’re in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you.”

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I designed this quote today, I am also grateful for this.

Positive change program, week 1

Cauldrons and Cupcakes’ Nicole is inviting anyone who wants to change, to join an eight week program she designed. I tried her Gratitude Challenge in the past and really felt happier afterwards so, naturally, when I read about this new program I knew I had to try it. You can check her blog out for more details.

I’m going to do this on my blog in order to get accountability and to spread positive and loving change!!! Also, to motivate myself through this platform :).

The first step is writing this affirmation down:

Dear Universe,

All of my life I have wanted to move in this new direction. I have felt it calling me, I have felt it just beyond my reach, although I have not always been able to clearly define that place or what it might mean for me.

I have always known that I was destined for more – being more, loving more, sharing more, having more.

Although I am uncertain, although I still cannot name all the changes I desire, my heart is open to them if they be for my Highest Good.

Today I honour my yearning for change, and I offer it up to you,trusting that I will be guided to discover the next steps, that I will be drawn to inspiration and opportunity, and that I can create a life for myself which is more expansive, more aligned to my purpose, more in flow.

My commitment to you is that for the next 8 weeks (and beyond) I am willing to explore and open to the possibilities of change, and to celebrate the many Blessings I already enjoy.

With love and gratitude, Erika. 

The next step is writing 3 blessings in my life:

Today I am thankful for exercising because after every hard workout I feel like the sexiest, happiest, most powerful woman alive (even though I may not look like it haha).

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I am thankful for getting to see my best friend every day of the week, act silly with him and laugh till my belly aches.

Me and Manu being silly on a rearview mirror...

Me and Manu being silly on a rearview mirror…

I am thankful for having a friend who is going through the same path, motivates me and allows me to motivate her every single day.

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And last but not least:

I choose ABUNDANCE.

Thanks for reading and witnessing my loving change 😉 .

Grateful

Tonight I am grateful for : 

The rain.

The song “Dancing in the Moonlight” that’s currently randomly playing on Spotify.

Meeting with old friends.

Having a close relationship with my sister.

My special friendship with Blondie

Realising that God is in my life all the time. 

My family. 

Going to a party wearing pants and not feeling (so) badly about it. 

Loving myself. 

Being myself.