Is reaching out for a Nutella jar the same thing as reaching out for a bottle of Vodka?

I know opening up a jar of Nutella alone in the dining room is not healthy… neither is adding 3 spoons of sugar to my coffee. Food is still on my mind longer than I would like it to be.

I need loving action and loving discipline to rule my life, not food… or action around food. Currently I’ve been very stressed at work, not sleeping well, not going to the gym, eating out, dining out, so my habits have been all over the place. I do try to fit vegetables in, and tea instead of coffee but I keep sneaking sugar, chocolate, alcohol and coffee more than I would need in order to reach a healthier lifestyle.

But I am trying every single day, and the process isn’t perfect, nor will it ever be.

This post is to remind me that beating myself up about eating more than I need to will not get me anywhere: loving myself will, respecting myself will, being grateful for myself will, celebrating my successes will and TAKING action will.

I wanted to do this post for a while now but was kind of ashamed of showing myself off like this. But, this blog is not only to inspire other people but to inspire myself too.

I am posting pictures of the progress I’ve had throughout a year. I didn’t do any diets nor did I focus on eating less or on counting calories. I simply worked on loving myself more, on exercising regularly and enjoying my food and my body. I got into weightlifting and tried not to miss gym sessions (against my mind’s will, many times).

I didn’t weigh myself or anything, I only focused on my progress pictures. I am inspired by this progress. I hope you are too.

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Will you help me hold myself accountable?

Thanks for reading 🙂

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Every thought I think is creating my future.

I started this blog with the intention of taking control of my life and to have a record of my journey through recovery. Well, I think the Universe has conspired with me and I have been finding the right tools to lead me there. So far I haven’t barfed and I intend to go on like that.

How different has my life been ever since I stopped barfing? It hasn’t changed drastically but I do think that I am becoming more conscious of how I treat my body and my whole-entire self. My body and mind have gone through so much self-hate and self-hurt that they now fluctuate between positive and negative habits/thoughts. Some days I feel lost, others I feel like I know exactly where I am going and the worst (and most common) ones are those where I feel adrift. I once read that bulimia, amongst other reasons, is a disease that comes from eating hiding ones thoughts, emotions and feelings and that totally applies to me. My whole life I have been avoiding confrontation, making anyone angry or upset so, naturally I choose to take the “high” way and eat my accumulated anxiety away. Well, that ugly habit I’ve been dragging has been backfiring now more than ever, I have become an expert in hiding what I feel or think out of fear of confrontation, rejection or upsetting people and it is not bringing any positive results.

What do I intend to do in this blog? Vent and be aware of what goes on in my mind so I can consciously change my life into a happier one. Well, that transformation is already taking place, I just need to work on everything that keeps me from exploiting my full potential. I haven’t been doing it alone, as I mentioned earlier, the Universe has been conspiring with me to reach recovery. About 2 weeks ago, I received a comment on a post from awesome Cyndee of The Gangy Buffet offering to coach me into a happier and healthier existence. Well, to me that is living proof that the Universe does conspire with you if you are willing to change your life. What were the odds of Cyn finding this little, almost underground blog and deciding to coach me!? They say that when the student is ready, the teacher appears and now I know I’m ready.

Thank you, reader, you make a difference every single day of my life and contribute to my recovery significantly.

Lots of love and peace your way!!!!

Erika