But I know how to turn my mood around

Yesterday I came home and was sad, frustrated, done with life and the world. I hated my job, my life, my situation, etc. I was having the biggest pity party, and no one was invited.

I opened my computer and ran into old Design work I had done, old videos, old pictures. I realized I don’t give myself enough credit, I have made a sport out of it. I am a good designer, I am a good eating disorder battler, I am a good warrior. My obsession with perfection and my expectations are what keep me blindfolded.

I blindfold myself from the progress, my achievements and my current situation. Maybe I wanted to have EVERYTHING figured out by the time I turned a certain age. But I have reached a certain age and I don’t have it all figured out (nor have I the husband, the house and the perfect job). And that’s ok because life is about figuring things out, about getting better, stronger, wiser and smarter. Life is a learning journey. I still have a lot to change, and a long distance to walk but with all I have done I’ve paved the way to move faster in some areas. The difficult ones are those lessons I have yet to learn.

But Erika, come back here whenever you feel like you’ve run out of hope. Keep dancing, keep laughing and keep creating because that is your essence, not bingeing or feeling down.

I love you, and me, and you.

How I turn small obstacles into climbing walls

I expect things to be perfect.

With expectation comes doom.

I don’t deal well with failure, I paralise with it. Instead of searching for solutions, I sink very deep into it. I fill my mind with reasons why I should stay stuck and stuck I stay. From all of this comes paranoia concerning what others will think of me, how they will judge me. I always imagine I will get harshly judged but I am always my worst critique.

This is a small analysis of self. In order to solve a problem I have to identify it.

I have also realised that by letting things go and choosing not to judge myself so horribly, they flow. In order for life to flow harmoniously, there has to be a balance between the good and the bad (the love and the opposite of it).

In order for me to grow I will fall, I will step outside of my beloved comfort zone and create a new one that will eventually be left behind.

But most importantly, the growth has to happen without me being my worst judge.

I must remember to love myself and learn.

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Quote

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. – Dr. Ellis, psychologist

What inspires me…

It seems like all I talk about are my binges and setbacks but, to be quite frank (and fair), I lead a very happy life. I also think I am used to enhance and highlight my failures because it keeps me stuck, stuck in my comfort zone and falsely “safe”. I wanna share images and stuff in general that keep me inspired, feed my dreams and make me wanna get out of that mediocre comfort zone.

Beautiful clothes

Beautiful clothes

 

Impeccable design

Impeccable design

Self-love promoting quotes.

Self-love promoting quotes.

Powerful, successful women

Powerful, successful women

My beautiful family

My GORGEOUS family

Thanks for the infinite inspiration

 

On August the 3rd, I reached 4 months without barfing. I am so very proud of myself :D. I will no longer be defined by bulimia. In fact, on September I will change my small blog description. I am not a recovering bulimic, I am ME! And that is more than enough. I used to think that being a bulimic made me more interesting but now I can see the big picture and I am sure I can finally exploit my potential.

I opened this blog with an end in mind, but I think I also let my eating disorder define me. It has been doing so for a long time. Well, not anymore. The next step is to not binge.

My ideas are not exactly clear; writing posts takes a long time because I have to narrow my ideas down to a few coherent sentences or paragraphs. I don’t know how all of you, fellow bloggers do it! I am a fan of each one of those I follow and admire your ability to write not only coherent but also inspiring and insightful posts! You motivate me every single day, you inspire me to be better because you are all role models to me in a way. Since I started blogging my life has completely turned around. Reading every single one of you makes me realize how abundance is infinite and how everything IS possible.

Knowing that there are so many kind, caring, loving, blissful people out there has given me an unexplainable energy.

 

When I started writing in this platform, my energy was so low I didn’t even feel like getting out of bed in the morning. Now I get up at 6 am to exercise 4 times a week, have more clients than ever and feel extremely energized throughout the whole week. Now I can say with certainty that I can be a walking testimony, that I can lead by example and that I can make ANY dream come true.

Amongst many other factors and things, I can thank YOU, reader. Thanks for inspiring me and helping me discover my true self. Every single day I am grateful for you guys, your writing, your journey, your comments, your unconditional support, your documented struggles, and your incredible teachings.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

 

 

 

Dancing bliss

Everything is the way it should be.- Cynthia H.

The blogging community is turning out to be the best support group I could have ever imagined or asked for. Every blog I have encountered and followed is contributing to make my recovery a clearer and more pleasant journey. Special mention to GangyBuffet who has chosen to ride along with me and given me powerful and necessary insight. Thanks a lot for your support, Cyn! You are making a difference in my bumpy road :).

I did today something that Cynthia recommended : working out doing something I actually enjoy, so I danced my ass off for 40 minutes. I didn’t feel like hopping on the treadmill, bike or elliptical machine so I decided it was time to dance. I am always thinking how I would love to find a cheap decent dance class around my neighborhood, but in the meantime I’m gonna keep doing what I love in my house gym (or small room where we keep 3 workout machines). Dancing is my essence, my passion, it has been ever since I watched “Dirty Dancing” when I was 2 and I’m gonna keep doing it until the day I die. I hadn’t thought of doing it in my house like a crazy person twirling, shaking my ass and jumping but it feels so good because it comes so natural to me.

Right now i feel like anything is possible. That’s what happens when I connect with my essence so I must keep doing it.

Lovely night, people!

Thanks for reading and inspiring me.