But I know how to turn my mood around

Yesterday I came home and was sad, frustrated, done with life and the world. I hated my job, my life, my situation, etc. I was having the biggest pity party, and no one was invited.

I opened my computer and ran into old Design work I had done, old videos, old pictures. I realized I don’t give myself enough credit, I have made a sport out of it. I am a good designer, I am a good eating disorder battler, I am a good warrior. My obsession with perfection and my expectations are what keep me blindfolded.

I blindfold myself from the progress, my achievements and my current situation. Maybe I wanted to have EVERYTHING figured out by the time I turned a certain age. But I have reached a certain age and I don’t have it all figured out (nor have I the husband, the house and the perfect job). And that’s ok because life is about figuring things out, about getting better, stronger, wiser and smarter. Life is a learning journey. I still have a lot to change, and a long distance to walk but with all I have done I’ve paved the way to move faster in some areas. The difficult ones are those lessons I have yet to learn.

But Erika, come back here whenever you feel like you’ve run out of hope. Keep dancing, keep laughing and keep creating because that is your essence, not bingeing or feeling down.

I love you, and me, and you.

AB Journaling

A: You wasted a whole weekend, escaped reality, didn’t work out, ate a lot, didn’t change your cellphone, didn’t investigate about scholarships abroad, didn’t do the homework for work. You are a woman of nearly 30 years of age and still act like a child. When is this all gonna change?

B: Hello sweetie. You did not waste a weekend. You caught up with an old friend, got to remember how helpful it was opening your blog, went to a concert, realised how much you would like to have an independent life abroad, and what you do want, and what you don’t. You may have escaped your reality a bit, but you enjoyed it because that is what you have learned to do over the years: enjoy life. You did a useful thing: you invested time in people you love. You did eat, maybe a lot, maybe not. Tomorrow is a day to redeem yourself. You can start by making the time to work out tomorrow. Stop beating yourself up and, tomorrow make a list of all the things you should do so you can prioritise and achieve goals.

You are 3 years away of turning 30. Make them worthy, happy and enjoyable. Life is to live it, enjoy it and doing so in your own way.

I love you, always.