Woke up “early” (for a saturday, that is) -10am- to go to my friend’s wedding dress fitting at 11am. As always, I got there late. We picked a dress for her, and talked about her bachelorette party and the bridesmaids dresses. I’ve realized which nasty habits control me, and I wanna leave them behind. It is gonna take a lot of effort and work, but I think I’m ready and up for it. Some of the things I wanna change about me, or get better at include:
- Arriving on time to meetings or reunions
- Being organized
- Read a book a month
- Efficiently spend my time
- Become more disciplined
- Exercise on a daily basis
- Love myself more each day
- Treat myself kindly
- Set boundaries with people
- Start pleasing myself, not everybody else
- Be independent of other people’s opinion
- Stop being afraid
Many of those things have been in my “to do list” for years now, but now I’m very aware of what I don’t want in my life, and I need to make radical changes.
I ate pretty good today, and I didn’t binge, nor barf. I went to a friend’s house and ate more popcorn than needed, but I the barf thoughts didn’t cross my mind. I ate one and a half piece of pizza and didn’t feel guilty (yuppie!) The being kind to myself thing is really working, it is just what I needed to make my recovery possible.
I took pictures of myself to see the progress I’ve had since February (when I decided i was gonna exercise daily) in my body. I’ve definitely gained weight, and I didn’t keep my word on the exercising part. My pants don’t fit, and I feel a little heavier but, even though my pants fit tighter and my muffin top is slightly bigger, I feel prettier than ever. I’m not saying I wanna stay like this, because I don’t! But I have been this heavy before, and I have been lighter and in my mind I have always felt “fat”, hence I had been stuck on a vicious circle. So, right now I am walking, thinking and feeling like the skinny woman I know I am. I have to exercise and eat like that, too.
“Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled “.-Neville Goddard
Love, E.
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