Is reaching out for a Nutella jar the same thing as reaching out for a bottle of Vodka?

I know opening up a jar of Nutella alone in the dining room is not healthy… neither is adding 3 spoons of sugar to my coffee. Food is still on my mind longer than I would like it to be.

I need loving action and loving discipline to rule my life, not food… or action around food. Currently I’ve been very stressed at work, not sleeping well, not going to the gym, eating out, dining out, so my habits have been all over the place. I do try to fit vegetables in, and tea instead of coffee but I keep sneaking sugar, chocolate, alcohol and coffee more than I would need in order to reach a healthier lifestyle.

But I am trying every single day, and the process isn’t perfect, nor will it ever be.

This post is to remind me that beating myself up about eating more than I need to will not get me anywhere: loving myself will, respecting myself will, being grateful for myself will, celebrating my successes will and TAKING action will.

I wanted to do this post for a while now but was kind of ashamed of showing myself off like this. But, this blog is not only to inspire other people but to inspire myself too.

I am posting pictures of the progress I’ve had throughout a year. I didn’t do any diets nor did I focus on eating less or on counting calories. I simply worked on loving myself more, on exercising regularly and enjoying my food and my body. I got into weightlifting and tried not to miss gym sessions (against my mind’s will, many times).

I didn’t weigh myself or anything, I only focused on my progress pictures. I am inspired by this progress. I hope you are too.

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Will you help me hold myself accountable?

Thanks for reading 🙂

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Diary of an emotional eater.

A woman who happens to be mother of one of my best friends and former high school teacher tells me how amazing my brother used to be as a student and how opposite I turned out to be. Stupid woman. Stupid me who listens to her and feels badly over it for hours. Next step: arriving home to binge.

I binge on nutella, strawberries and veggie pie. I toss into the mix 5 or 6 salty cookies.

I go to bed and dream about the box of Alfajores my sister has hidden in her drawer.

Breakfast:

1 philadelphia cheese spread bagel, 5 nutella-covered strawberries, a small piece of veggie cake.

Lunch:

I went to eat with the partners to a place where they sell Thai, Japanese and Indian food to celebrate a birthday. We shared: Crispy shrimp croquettes, shrimp noodles, vietnamese rolls, steamed rice with green curry, teriyaki chicken, teriyaki pork, steamed rice with salmon and veggies, green tea cake, banana rolls, crepes, lychee ice cream and green tea.

We ate a lot so I felt extremely guilty and obsessed over the fact that I was going to come back home to an empty kitchen and a very saddened Erika. I kept telling myself how lonely I am, how sad my life is and how much I wanted to eat everything I could find. I got home and my sister was in her room with one of her hot, blonde and skinny friends getting ready to go out. I wanted to be alone, I wasn’t counting on them being there. I always thought I would be an example to follow to my sister, that she and her friends would look up to me and aspire to be like me when they grew up. In reality, I feel like hiding when her friends are around, I feel like the overweight, single, mediocre big sister whose life isn’t half as  fabulous as it should be.

After-lunch binge:

Nutella-covered strawberries, countless dark chocolate sprinkles, 3 salty cookies.

How I feel right now: Like a total and complete failure. I don’t know if I’ll ever be thin again in my life. The worst part is, I love food way too freaking much.